Since I have a break from school for a few weeks, I have been hitting up my local library and checking out way too many books.
This past week it occurred to me I had never checked out the Psychology section at the library which is strange since I am a psychology student.
I found some amazing books and I just finished this one:
Love Illuminated: Exploring Life's Most Mystifying Subject (with the help of 50,000 strangers)
By Daniel Jones.
Jones is the editor of the New York Times column Modern Love.
I read this book in two days!
That is how much I loved it!
The topics he covers is Destiny, Trust, Connection, Practicality, and Wisdom.
While I loved the whole book, there were a few quotes that had me turning some thoughts in my head.
"We need to believe that most people we encounter in our daily lives aren't out to harm us and may even try to save us if necessary."
-This thought really struck me as a woman when it comes to dating. I like this quote, but it does not seem very realistic for the dating world at least for me as a woman. I was taught to always tell someone where you are going, to have 911 as a speed dial, carry around pepper spray, etc. when going on dates because you can never be too careful. Am I the only one who was told this? Maybe it is just me but it's hard for me to imagine that most people we encounter are not out to hurt us. We encounter so many strangers and everyone has secrets. I guess I prefer to be a little bit more safe out there.
"When people act like they love you and maybe even say they love you, how can you know if they really love you?"
-I think actions speak the loudest, but I think words are necessary as well. When the two are expressing love and you gut says this is truth then I think that is how you know its really love. I truly believe we are the best indicators of truth, but we learn how to second guess ourselves and ignore the red flags. Learn to trust yourself and then you can learn to trust if the love is real.
"How is online dating changing us?"
-Well, for one it changed the game of connecting and communicating. Some think its bad, but I am a positive experience of online dating. Brad and I met through OkCupid! and now we are engaged. I can only speak for myself on how online dating changed me. Online dating allowed me to take a risk and try something new. I went on a lot of bad dates, and a few good ones, and one really amazing one. I learned a lot about myself in the process as well along with things I did not want in a guy I dated. It also taught me how much I wanted a guy who could still communicated with me without a screen hiding him. Some think online dating is changing us for the worst, but I definitely disagree.
"Arranged marriage: the goal is to figure out how to be married not whether to marry."
-This was my most favorite thing to ponder about. We spend time trying to figure out whether to marry someone and if we decide yes, then we marry them. But I think most of the western culture continues to ask this same question as they are married which is why divorce is so prevalent now. To me the answer is to move from asking the question of whether we should still be married to this person to the question of how do we be married? I think if we could move into this arranged marriage concept that we could save a lot more marriages. We already answered the question if we should get married, now let's learn how to be married and what works and what doesn't for our marriage.
"Do we have to kill love to understand it?
-Part of me screams yes and the other part quietly screams no. My interpretation of this is that sometimes we have to kill a relationship to learn what love is and learn a new way of understanding it. But I also believe that you will find a relationship that will continue to teach you love and teach you understanding of love without killing it. I think it is very important for people to learn what and who they can love and I think you have to date a few people sometimes to find that. Some people are lucky and only date one person, but most people need the experience to date more than one person to teach themselves what they truly want out of a relationship. Whatever path is chosen, is right for each individual.
And to end I just want to encourage you all on this quote that Jones ended with:
"Marvel at what love does best: it helps us to be good."