Day 2: Dear Crush

Dear Crush,

We only interact on occasion, but I love our banter and the way you can make me laugh. I only know your first name and I always hope to run into you whenever I am home. I hope to some day maybe get to know you better. Who knows maybe you're completely wrong for me, but maybe you're completely right. I guess I will continue to leave it up to fate and hope that you will notice me the way I notice you and if you do that you will have the courage to get to know me. Pin It

Day one: My Best Friends

A very dear friend of mine was doing a letter challenge for 30 days and I decided to take it on as well. I have many best friends so sorry for the length.

-Where do I even start? Our relationship has definitely been a roller coaster, but a blessing as well. In high school, we were inseparable. We fought every day and sometimes we went days without really talking because we were so mad, but yet we still remained best friends. And now college. It's been a tough thing for our friendship, but it doesn't mean I love you any less. I was certain our friendship was coming to an end, but God has knit us together at the heart and whether we want to admit or not we need each other. I love you and can't wait to go to Newport Beach together and to finally find our Todd's!

-And you win the role for best supporting actor! No matter where we are in life, I know that I can always come to you and you will support me 100%. I love how you can make me laugh constantly and how we can hang out with each other and have the best day ever even if we don't say a word to each other. I'm bummed I don't get to see you everyday like we did in high school, but you'll always be my best friend and maybe my maid of honor? :)

-You are the only person I could live with! I am so glad college brought us closer together and that God blessed me with someone I know will be in my life forever. You help me stop freaking out and are the best listener I have ever met. I love our late night talks and how we understand each other most of the time. I'm so excited for the rest of the adventures we are going to go own together! Love you!

-Oh my pool playing friend. As much as you drive me crazy, I absolutely love how we cry, laugh, and find joy together in almost everything. We can both talk and talk and not have a clue what each other is saying, but we leave feeling like we had the best conversation ever. You help me see different point of views and constantly encourage me. Thanks for always being there and being ready to have fun at any moment.

-Best friends since third grade! You can just make me laugh, laugh, and laugh. I love how most of the time we are just goofing off, but we have some of the deepest conversations. I'm so glad God brought us back together and that we can share this awesome journey together. I am ready to keep saying best friends since third grade for the rest of my life and adding in tons of memories!

-AP! One hug from you and my day can turn around. I love how we never have been in one fight and that we are constantly making sure each of us chases our dreams. Our dad's were best friends and now we can be best friends and hopefully our children will be best friends as well. I love you tons! Pin It

Run

Well, maybe you know this maybe you don't, but I am a huge fan of Taylor Swift. I think that I am the brunette version of her except the fact I do not have a record deal and do not write hit songs, but today I was Taylor Swift. I had the wavy, curly hair and I was feeling inspiration all around.

-Side note, I watched the the E! Hollywood Story: Taylor Swift. That probably created to my Taylor Swift mood and attitude.

Anyways, again maybe you know this maybe you don't, but I run (not like exercising) most of the time because I'm scared. I especially run when it comes to relationships with guy and I can admit that. I do not want to be hurt and I am scared of allowing someone to even get a piece of my heart. So in the end, I just run away. I end it and I believe all of my relationships were meant to end. I mean why would I run if it was meant to be, but I do believe that if I would have given this one guy a little more time it may have turned out differently. So I wrote this about him. Now be prepared this is no hit song ballad like Taylor Swift, but it's the closest I'm going to get.

I never saw this coming
I never knew my heart could feel this way
About a boy who was only
Only in my life to be a friend

But sooner or late
These feelings come
And I can't help myself
But...

(Chorus)
Run
As fast as you can
Just run
Until you're safe again
Cause the pain is slowly creeping in
And a chance for risk is near the end
So run
Just run

You always made me happy
In so many ways that I could never explain
Though you may not believe it
I'd take you back over and over again

But sooner or later
These feelings would come
And I couldn't help myself
But...

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
I'm sorry now
But I've got to go
Your eyes are telling me your real close
To saying those three words
I promised I would never say
Again

So run
Just as fast as you can
Please run
Until you're safe again
Cause the pain for you is coming near
And I never wanted you to hear
So run
Just run

(Chorus)

So run
Just run
Until you're safe again
Cause the pain is slowly creeping in
And the time for us is near its end
So run
Just run Pin It

Merry Christmas!

Well it is now Christmas, but I wanted to tell you about my Christmas Eve.

Christmas eve is time that should be spent preparing for the holidays, enjoying cooking with the family, enjoying time with the family, but that is not what I was doing. Instead, I was preparing for a crazy night at work. Making a list, checking it twice, trying to decide which table is going to be right, people were coming to the restaurant tonight! (Sung to the tune "Santa Clause is Coming to Town") It was hectic, crazy, and a tad disappointing.

In my mind people would be friendly, flexible, and thankful; instead we had angry, upset, and unappreciative. Servers sacrificed their time away from family to serve these gifts and they were treated unfairly. Even being a hostess I was treated unfairly. I was blamed for not seating people at the table I was "supposed" to know they wanted to sit at. I was the one to be disappointed in for not providing a "spectacular" evening for their family and them.

By the end of the night I was just mad, confused, and ready to go home. Where was the Christmas spirit? I was anticipating a fun and easy night (it was fun and a lot more easy than other holidays, but boy was I not prepared for this night) with happy people all around. I had one more hour of work left and then I could head home for two days off of work and I could not wait.

This couple came up to me and I was expecting them to be upset with me. First, the table I sat them at is probably every one's least favorite that come to the restaurant. It's in a corner surrounded by bigger tables and by the bathroom. Second, when we went to seat them the table was not cleaned so they stood and watched the other hostess clean their table (doesn't sound like a big deal, but people get very upset about that). But the couple sat down and I did not hear one peep from them until they left. While I prepared my self for "nasty" words, I was shocked to hear these words with a smile, "That was the best meal ever. Thank you so much for being open tonight, really, it was great. Thanks again and Merry Christmas."

And that made my whole night. To know out of 200 people we served tonight, that at least two were thankful we were sacrificing our time and sharing it with them. I know Thanksgiving is the day to be Thankful, but I think Christmas can add that aspect on to it.

So thank you to the wonderful couple who appreciated us tonight, thank you to my co-workers for cooperating and not yelling at me, and thank you to my family that always listens to me talk their ears off about things of zero importance to them.

Remember that Jesus is the reason for the season! Merry Christmas to you who are reading this and thanks for taking the time to listen as well. Pin It

What's in a name?

If your name was in the dictionary, what words would define you? Happy, joyful, sad, dissapointed, laughing, lost, confused, searching, wanting, looking, serious, funny, mean, disgusting, content, appreciative, kind....

There's so many words that define us today. I have been filling out applications for summer camp jobs and they ask what can you offer or tell me about your life story. And then they give you a little space.

First problem, that is not enough space. I've almost been alive for 20 years. Each year could be a book itself, yet they still ask you about your life. I just find it funny that you need to tell them on paper with a pen about your life. Shouldn't I show you by my actions?

Second, these applications are looking for great answers and positive words. I guess I just have a problem with the definition of what a great answer is and what makes words positive. So here's what I mean. One application gave me two words and told me which one to choose that best suits me. Decisive or Submissive. Where's the both? Decisive is the best choice. Submissive is the negative word. Well, I'm both and I believe submissive can be a positive word. I can make decisions, but I can also go along with someone elses decision. Now that's not a super great example of what I am talking about.

Another question they ask on the applications is if you have ever been convicted of a crime. Well, I haven't but I know if I circled yes then that would most likely rule me out. But like they say there is beauty in a making. I have heard the best conversion stories from individuals who have been convicted of a crime. You learn from living even if that meant you weren't living the way other's think is acceptable.

Here's the point: We all have negative and positive words that define us. Just remember each of those words have made you who you are. Some of those words may have been the word that used to describe you the best, but has been replaced because you find a new word to define you. So if you have the words lost, confused, searching, or desperate, wear them proud. They may have been associated as "negative" words, but those words are making you into the person you were called to be.

P.S. my post about forgiveness: I have never felt more free. It really works. Try it! Pin It

Hello Forgiveness!

These last couple of weeks I have been personally dealing with relationships and I guess just realizing how things can change in over a year and how much I have changed in over a year. I can't help but think about the person I was last year, who I was with, who I relied on, etc. It's weird to think that some of the most important people on my life at that point of time are no longer as important to me as they once were.

A year ago I was encountering a relationship with one of my best guy friends. I remember we were both testing the waters and seeing where we stood with each other and I remember the innocence behind it. We were just two friends who were scared to put ourselves out there, but curious as to where this relationship could take us. Thanksgiving was when he finally told me he was interested in me as more than a friend and I was beyond excited. I was getting to the point where I was about to give up on the idea of being with him because I just had no idea what he was thinking. It kind of took off from there. He became one of my best friends and I relied on him a lot. He supported me, encouraged me, and loved me for me. But with even that, relationships do not always make it through and ours fell apart. I will admit I blame myself for a lot of it, but I also don't regret my decision. It's made me who I am today, but back to the point of this point.

I have always told people that forgiveness is super important and no relationship can be fixed until both people are willing to forgive each other. Well, I realized today that someone may not be living up to their talk. Being in a relationship requires a lot out of someone and even if it doesn't last long you give a part of your heart away no matter what. Just by saying yes to someone gives a piece away.

I thought I had forgiven the guys I had been in relationships with (let me say, not all of the relationships were bad, but that doesn't mean there isn't hurt) but I really hadn't. So here's my first step to forgiveness and I guess that is to actually try with effort on my part to start forgiving. Just by saying that I can tell a weight is slowly being lifted.

I'll let you know how the rest goes... Pin It

Friends

This week has been a week of learning what true friends are. I have had deep talks with some of my close friends and we have all opened up about our lives. We've also been able to rely on each other when we are in desperate times or could just really need a friend. I always thought people were being ridiculous when they said that you find your best friends in college. I still have some best friends from high school, but I don't talk or share about my life like I do with these people that are in my life. I'm not sure what line we cross to be this comfortable with each other, but I am so glad we crossed that line. College is supposed to be about getting the best grades and developing your career, but I think it is most about developing and building relationships that will stay with you forever. I can't wait to see how close we all will be when we're 40 years old. If you're reading this, I love you guys! Pin It

First impressions

This year at school I am serving on the leadership staff as what we call a "DC" which stands for discipleship coordinator. A.K.A. bible study leader. I live with all freshman girls and guide a bible study once every week. Was this my first role I picked? No. Was it God's decision? Yes! It took me a while to come to terms with the idea of actually serving in this role as I have had some bad experiences in the past serving in this role, but never the less I decided to follow his call and trust in him all the way.

The first week I met all my girls I had in my mind which girls I would get along with and which ones that I would probably struggle with. It's easy to place people in labels that you have set in your mind. There's the label for people you're comfortable with, people you just don't get along with, people you don't want to hang out with, people who have upset you, etc.

How ashamed am I that I allowed myself to label these girls before I even got the chance to know them? God clearly placed each of these girls on this floor for a reason. They all have different stories and different life paths. Each and every one of them have desires that don't match mine and they are all SO unique. I was so wrong to say that there were girls that I would not get along with. They have ended up being the ones who have touched my heart the most. Maybe that is God's doing, but I have found myself loving each and every one of these girls and we are only two weeks into school.

So I guess the point is to not allow first impressions to lead the way you interact with people. Don't even let the second impression. Allow God to set up interactions with those individuals and let them show you their hearts. You'll be amazed at what you learn! Pin It

A Time For Change

I read a beautiful quote today.

"God has given us two gifts in this life. One is choice and another is chance."

We have the right to choose and pick what we want in this life and we also have the chance to take risks and explore new things. I am someone who does not enjoy change very much. I like having a set schedule that switches up every now and again, but I like things that are familiar and comfortable. I keep my hair the same color because I know I like it. I read the same books over and over again because I know I enjoyed them.

I'm afraid of dissapointment. I don't want to read a book that isn't worth my time to read. I don't want to dye my hair just in case I end up absoloutely hating it. I read another beautiful quote this week too.

"We'll always be who we've always been if we always do what we've always done."

Change is inevitable. It is going to be a part of our lives forever. So I have decided to claim change and recieve it. Tomorrow I will do something drastic with my hair. It will still be the long length but there is going to be more color in it. Am I scared? Heck, yes I am! Is this as drastic as I am making it seem? Not really... but it is for me. One step leads to more right?Bring it on!

P.S. Don't be mad at me if I start whining in the next post about my hair. My hair is important to me. Pin It

Being Single

Have you ever gotten out of a relationship and been sad it was over, but knew it was for the best but then a little bit later you start second guessing yourself and wondering was it really for the best? Is this what is meant to be? Well, that describes my week this week. I think it is sometimes hard to accept that you are single. Is being single bad? No! Does it have it's down sides? Yes!

Sure when you are single that means you don't have someone to be all cutesy and cuddly with, but that time you spent doing that stuff gets spent doing something else. For me it was growing closer to God and growing up. I found a quote yesterday that said this:

"If you're taken the by all means take it and enjoy one another. If you're single, soak it up! You can do so much more stuff when you're single, like having more friends, time, and more friends. Take it in,and when that guy comes along, I mean the PERFECT guy for you, who treats you right, then by all means go for it! You have to be able to enjoy being single, and then enjoy being taken! And let the guy pursue YOU! No need for a girl to do that job." Dustyn Cootnz

So that is what I am doing. Enjoying being single, spending time with friends, growing with God, loving my family, and preparing myself for the future. It would be much easier to meet my husband right now and just be happy with him for the rest of my life, but I know God is preparing me for him. Sure, it may take a couple of wrong turns and tearful nights, but I trust that God is doing BIG things in my life and that he is going to blow me out of this world with my husband.

So, if you're single then welcome to the club. It is not as bad as you think. You're not always going to be single so enjoy it while you have it. Take time to do things that you want to do. Travel, cross of things on your to do before I die list, grow individually with God, and see the beauty of single hood. If you're taken, then cherish your man or woman, show them love, have fun, and grow together in a relationship built around God. Pin It

Walking the Talk

I got upset today based on some pictures that popped up on Facebook. First let me mention that the pictures I saw we're not of close friends of mine, but of acquaintances. With that said, the pictures I saw still made me upset. They were pictures of people I have grown up in church with. Peers of mine and in the pictures they were drinking and they are not even the legal age. I know it is not my place to judge, but this still upsets me. Some of the people in those pictures have stood on stage at church and preached about how God is number one in their lives and how they are living for Him. Well, how can you be living for Him when you are clearly displaying that you are disobeying him.

I'll admit that I don't know of any verses that say that you should not drink, but I know there are verses that say to follow the law and the law says not to drink until you are 21 so you are disobeying by breaking the law. I'll also admit that I have made mistakes and disobeyed God, but I believe there is a difference from continuing to disobey God and disobeying God but deciding to vow not to make that mistake again.

People look up to those people that are in the pictures. Is that the example they want to set for others? Do they want to say it is alright to drink?

This got me thinking about what example I am setting. What character am I presenting to others? If they see me, do they see a life that is striving to live for God? What if they don't see that? What if I lead them down a path of destruction without knowing it? It is so easy to talk the walk, but when it comes to walking the walk it is definitely not easy. There are constantly bumps in the road looking to trip us up. And yes, sometimes we are going to fall, but we can either let that fall keep tripping us up or we can choose to get back up and walk stronger than before.

Easier to say then do! But I want to try and do that. I probably could have spent my summer doing more than I have, but I am not here to regret the decisions I have made for my summer. I actually am proud of the way I have matured from last summer. I know I am not perfect, but I am trying to allow God to work in my life. Some days I wake up and I realize that before I do anything else I have to surrender my life to God again. I've been a Christian for 8 years now, but I still have to re-commit myself to God constantly.

So here I am re-committing myself again. God, I am giving you my life because it is not mine to have. It is a gift! You allow me to wake up each day because you have given me a purpose and I pray that each day I can live out that purpose. Take me as I am! I was too scared to start now I'm too scared to let go! Teach me to walk the walk and live the talk. Amen! Pin It

Mending the church first

Tonight at church I was very distraught. After having a conversation with a friend, I was amazed at how much damage was being done within the church by the people in the church. My friend was so tired of all the damge that she is ready to leave the church. She is going to leave the place where God is supposed to dwell. We, the people of the church, are pushing the people in the church out when we are supposed to be bringing them in. I will take the blame for this too. There have been too many times when I will whisper to the person sitting next to me and gossip about someone sitting in service.

How are we supposed to bring people into the church when we are pushing people out of the church? It completely blows my mind how the church has become a mini-high school or middle school. The same troubles that students are dealing with in school can be found in the church. People spreading lies about each other, picking on each other etc. We are reflections of Christ. What are we reflecting? Are we reflecting that it is alright to gossip? That it is alright to sleep around? That it is alright to tear each other down?

I find this problem at every church I attend. Maybe we should start mending the broken relationships inside the church before we start trying to mend the hearts of the real broken people. Pin It

The Power of a Piece of Paper and a Pen

Have you ever thought how powerful a piece of paper and a pen are? I never did until tonight. By connecting pen to a paper a story is formed. Words are written and feelings are shared. Writing has always been a passion of mine. I get these urges to form these words in my mind and to pull them out of my mind and on to something visible. Something that I can see with my own eyes.

A pen and paper can share feelings and emotions too. You can express yourself in a way that everyone can read. Maybe some people read exactly what you are feeling or they read it in a way that translates it to mean something else.

It's quite amazing!

I know you're probably thinking what is wrong with this girl, but let me tell you where I get this crazy urge to write from. I just went and saw Letters to Juliet and it is a movie that I would recommend to any one. It was funny and I believe beautifully acted. It is the first movie in a while the completely pulled me in and had me wanting to see what happened next in every scene. It also kepts me guessing. Anyways, in the movie girls from all over the world come to Verona to write their letter to Juliet. Then a group of women take the letters written to Juliet and relpy. There words can help change, encourage, or strengthen girls all over the world searching for their Romeo.

So this got me thinking. What if I did this? What if I just had an adress that was available to people. People could write their concerns, fears, wants, desires, feelings, and so much more. And what if I responded? What if I encouraged them to pursue their dreams, their wants, their desires? What if I encouraged them to be bold, to have faith, to live their life to the fullest? What if? I was inspired to do what God has called me to do. I believe I am an encourager. Is being an encourager an actual thing? I think so! I may not always think the most positively, but I do believe in the unbelievable and the impossible. I believe that we can all have our own Romeo and Juliet story. Sure, it may not be the exact plot, but we all have a love story written for us. I believe and I encourage.

So here it goes. This is my school adress. I know right now no one currently reads my blog, but maybe this is the day someone does. Maybe you need some encouragement or direction. You don't have to take what I say to heart, but I promise to write you back with the words I hope you need.

Rachel Jones
1100 East Fifth Street
Anderson, IN 46012

Write me! Pin It

Me? A Letter? From God? NO WAY!

I was at church two weeks a go when the preacher said something that caught my attention. He said something along the lines that we are all letters from God and that idea intrigued me. I've heard all my life that the bible is a love letter sent from God and I think that is the best love letter I have ever read, but then I think about how we are also love letters sent from God. God sent us to our parents, to our friends, and to the strangers in this world.

This also got me to wondering what my letter says. I know at times my letter probably had a note on the front of it saying, "Do not read this letter. It is filled with lies and ugliness." and I am alright to admit that is the letter I have sent out before. I know I am supposed to be an ambassador for God, but this world just brings me down sometimes. I forget that I was not created for here; I was created for someplace else. I get lost in the pressures the world presents to me everyday and the next thing I know I am in the mud trying to dig myself out and then there is God. He pulls me right out and puts me on dry ground.

I guess the point on this post is to remind us that we all our God's letters. We have to be careful in what we are putting on to that letter because we don't want to send out the wrong words. But also remember that we make mistakes. We need to help each other write our letters and be the example God has told us to be, but we cant tear people down. We need to hold each other and lend a hand when we are in the mud. Pin It

Holding on to my dreams

In January, I applied for two great opportunities. One was with an internship in Alaska for the summer and the other was to be an RA for this coming year. In February, I was introduced to the word, "No." Two BIG No's. Since then I have been suffering with those two decisions that were decided for me. All I could do was let these individuals look at my life and decide whether they wanted me on their team. I was upset with these decisions for a long, long time. Before the college process, I had always given up on my dreams. I dreamed of being drum-major, gave it up. I dreamed of being in the top 10 in my class, gave it up. I never had the confidence I needed to believe I could achieve these goals and I always regretted that.

When I started to apply for college, I was the most scared I had ever been. What if I wasn't accepted anywhere? What if I'm not smart enough? The first letter of whether I was accepted or not came and it increased my fear tremendously. It was another No. I started to panic as to what I would do with my life if school was not an option for me. Fortunately, the next letter I got was from Anderson University and it was a YES! From there out, all the acceptance letters I got were Yes's and the school that said No eventually turned to a Yes too. I was amazed at how amazing and faithful God was in helping my dreams come true.

So, in the fall I made my journey to Anderson. When second semester came around, I knew which dream I would accomplish next. I would become an RA! I went through the whole process and felt good about everything. I thought my interviews went well and I felt like I was completely honest with everyone. I wasn't perfect and I wasn't afraid to admit that to them.

Over Christmas break, I began to desire to do something more with my summer than just work after my sophmore year of college. So I found some Christian websites that showed the variety of Christian related internships and I found one that was too good to pass up. So I applied for the coming summer. The whole summer in Alaska! I completed the application and the interview and felt that God was really calling me to this.

Then rolled in February. My birthday came, my first valentines with a boyfriend; nothing seemed like it could bring me down. The last week in February proved me wrong. I had made it into the top 2 for Alaska for the girl's choice, but I was not selected. I was bummed, but I was also happy because that meant I could spend the summer at home and that I could still apply for it next year (which I was encouraged to do).

Next came the RA letters. My friends and I had planned to met at the mail center at school. I arrived first and was too anxious to wait for them so with my roomie by my side I opened the letter. I just knew it was going to be a yes. It was my dream, my goal, and my desire to be an RA. I began to read those first words and I felt my smile turn downward. I had been selected as an Alternate. If anyone would decide to not be an RA, I could have the chance to fill their spot. Even though it was not a complete No, all I heard was "NO!" My friends came and asked if I had gotten the position and I sadly told them no, but I was eager to see if they had made it. Well, to my surprise, they all recieved a Yes. I wasn't surprised as in I think they didn't really deserve it, I was surprised in the fact that I was the only one given a No. I left the group to get to class and I felt that one tear fall.

My dreams had been crushed...

I wrestled for God for a couple months after that. I went back and forth with accepting the decisions that had been given to me. Some days I knew it was for the best, but most days I just did not understand it. Eleanor Roosevelt said this, "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...You must do the thing you think you cannot." I had faced fear in the face. Where was that strength? Courage? Confidence?

It was not until this week when I realized where that strength, courage, and confidence was. It has been inside me all along, but I have been hiding it from myself because I did not want to accept that God had something better for me. I thought what I went for was what was BEST for me.

After not being selected for RA, I was offered a poistion as a DC (Dicipleship Coordinator). I gladly accepted since I wanted to be on a leadership role in some way on campus. All summer I have been reading a bible study that I think I want to do with the girls on my floor and todays devotion showed me just what I have needed to see. These is a part from the lesson today:

"Hold on to your dreams! God is Ironic sometimes-What you might view as a set back, God just may be using to shape you into the person you are meant to be."

I can't deny that God has used these two No's to shape me into the person he has designed me to be. I accept these two No's with a thanful heart now. I will wait on God's timing for my life and I know he will do great works withint me.

"Hold fast to the vision God has given you for your life. The difficult things we go through one to prepare us for the realization of the vision on God's timing and by his power! I will not deny the vision that God has given me even when the circumstances seem to contradict it." Dr. Llyod John Ogilvile. Pin It

Questions and a Pit Stop

My life feels somewhat empty right now. It's filled with God, but its lacking the Passion I desperately want. I just keep filling up my mind with questions.

Where am I going?
What do I do know?
When will I meet you?
Why is this so hard?
Where is that fire I'm longing for?
Why can't I get out of this rut?

The questions go on forever.

I wonder where I'm headed. The direction isn't quite clear right now. Just six months ago I was pretty sure of where I was going, but road bumps have made me pull to the side. The first road bump was ending my relationship with T*. I was pretty sure he and I were headed for a long life together, but God had a different set of plans for me. The second bump was Lizzie leaving. I knew the day would eventually come, but I never knew it would be so soon, so fast, and so sudden. I only had a month to accept the fact she was leaving and I had a whole year planned out for us in my head. Now all I can do is wait for her to come home at Christmas and hopefully I can scrounge up so many to take a visit to Florida to see here.

They say things get easier with time, but I've got to be honest. This has been one of the hardest summers for me and it is definately affecting me emotionally a lot. I miss these relationships I had a lot. Although I know God ending T and I's relationship and seperating Lizzie and I is for the best, it is still hard to accept it.

But even with all of that happening, I know God is working in my life. I knew after Lizzie left that I would need to be more assertive with my life. I had to stop being afraid of doing things on my own. So I did just that. I've rekindled a friendship that was put on hold for a while and I'm realizing how much my college friends mean to me and how I need to befriend more students at Anderson. I am ready to go back to school because I know God has an amazing year planned for me.

I also went to church by myself this week. I should clarify that on Sunday mornings I go to the church my dad works at and then on Sunday nights I would go to church with Lizzie. I told her I probably wouldn't go anymore because I basically only went to hang out with her, but I went this week and I was happy I did. Sure, going to church alone is awkward and weird, but I realize that going to church is not for the social gathering, that is just a plus side of it. It's about going to seek God and learn more and I get that when I go.

I may have these questions, but God is working and moving me. I may feel like I've made a pit stop right now, but that is only so I could re-examine the map God has laid out for my life. God is moving! Pin It

A penny for my thoughts...

Lately, I have been inspired to write a lot which is good because I find I write the most often when God is working in my life the most. I've wanted to write to the extent of writing a book, but I just have too many ideas that I get lost in each of them and don't write clearly. Another song has inspired this post. The Band Perry sings a song called "If I die young," and I absoloutely love the song. It is country and, to me, sounds like a christian song all at the same time which as my dad thinks is the perfect combination for me. I will have to agree. I have always been drawn to southern roots and my family will never let me live that down. I am the country girl of the family and even though I am only from Indiana and I have never grown up in the country I could fit in to the country life style (as long as there is a Target and Starbucks near by).

Anyways, this line in the song says, "A penny for my thoughts oh no I'll sell them for a dollar. They're worth so much more after I'm a gonner. And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing. It's funny when your dead how people start listening. " That line speaks to me so much every time I listen to the song. It is amazing how people start listening when people die. Why is that? I don't know, but I don't want my life to fall into this same category.

I am not saying people should listen to everything I say because I know that I am way out of line at times or I have no idea what I'm talking about. But even with that, I have words worth hearing. I shouldn't have to be 85 for someone to listen to me. I may be young, but I have a point of view different from others. I am not like you; therefore, I think differently from you. We all deserve to be heard. We don't have to take what each other says and place it into our life, but we can at least give the respect of acknowleding each other and our thoughts.

One verse that reminds me of not letting be young keep you from speaking and is from 1 Timothy 4:11-14

"Get the word out. Teach all these things and don't let anyone put you down because you're young. Teach believes with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity. Stay at your post reading scripture, giving counsel, teaching. And that special gift of ministry you were given when the leaders of the church laid hands on you and prayed, keep that dusted off and in use." Pin It

Filling the holes

At church tonight we talked about letting go to addictions or idols that are in our lives and the pastor said something that made me understand how to truly give up addictions and idols in our lives. Addictions/Idols take up space in our hearts and when we push them out of our hearts and life they leave holes in your heart.

Whenever I let go of an addiction/idol I just simple let it go and when those idols/addictions may have come back I was always surprised. Tonight I realized though that when I let go of those idols/addictions I have to fill the holes they leave with God.

Why it took me nine years to figure that out? I have no idea, but I am glad I did! Pin It

If you knew me, you would know...

I've been watching MTV a lot lately because they have been showing all of The Hills shows and it is one of my favorite shows. Well one of the comercials that keeps being shown on that channel has students saying "If you knew me, you would know..." and then they go on to say something you would know about them. So it inspired me to do just that.

If you knew me, you would know that I love giraffes, the color purple, and painting my nails. If you knew me, you would know that I am a Christian, I go to Anderson University, and I live for God. If you knew me, you would know that I am neither a morning or night person. I am an afternoon person. If you knew me, you would know that I tend to watch reality t.v. shows even though they are garbage. I just think the drama is so silly. If you knew me, you would know that I love pictures, but hate taking them because I'm afraid I'll miss out on something while behind the lens. If you knew me, you would know that I love to read and I will re-read books that I love over and over again. If you knew me, you would know that I love jewlery a lot. I have too much to actually wear all the time, but yet I always find myself buying more. If you knew me, you would know that I am half british. My british grandmother is one of my best friends and is a complete hoot! She can always make me laugh and give the best advice ever. If you knew me, you would know that I used to play the flute, I play the piano, and will learn the guitar very soon. If you knew me, you would know that I love sea shells. Whenever someone goes to the beach, I always ask them to bring me back seashells. If you knew me, I always want to write a song but usually can only get a chorus out and thats it. If you knew me, you would know that I played soccer for 8 years and loved every single second of it and miss it very much. If you knew me, you would know that I am a work-a-holic. It's hard for me to have a day off because I feel like I should be working. If you knew me, you would know that I drop my phone once a day. Not on purpose, but because I am very clumsy.

Well there is tons to know about me, but I think that is a pretty good list for now. Pin It

Coming Home

Like my last post said, I've been feeling lost. I heard this song today that really tore at my heart and expressed the words that I have been trying to find and say. Come Home by OneRepublic. I encourage you to listen to it to understand what I'm talking about.

I'm sure this song was probably writting for a girl, but when I hear the lyrics I think of God. I imagine myself singing most of the verses and then God singing the chorus' back to me. Telling me to come home because he misses me and knows that there is a better part of me. I've been searching in all the wrong places for something to fill these emptiness inside of me. I'm constantly getting lost in all this world has to offer. But what does it really have to offer? Nothing that will fill me up. You'd think being a Christian that I would always remember that, but I have been fighting this battle since day one.

It's hard to wake up everyday and realize that this place I live in is not my real home. It's all temporary. It's also hard to wake up live each day God wants me to live it. Some days I want to be selfish or in a bad mood. It's also hard to remember that I can't make it through each day without God's help. One quality that I love and dislike about myself is that fact that I am very independent. I love being able to have the confidence to do things on my own and not needing help all the time, but I also dislike the fact that being independent causes a lot of struggle in my life too. I want to do it all on my own, but I can't. I can't lift a 100 tons by myself or run my life by myself. And that is exactly what I have been doing. I've been holding so hard on to the reigns in my life that God has not even had the chance to take over.

I'm sure I will say these a billion times before my time on this world is over, but starting today I am handing those reigns over to God. I need him and I cannot live without him. You've always been in my heart, but not completel controlling every area of it. Well, it is all yours now. Take my heart and fill me up for I am yours.

"The Lord will gaurd your going out and your coming out from this time forth and forever." Psalm 121:8 Pin It

Lost

Well this is the first time I am blogging on this site, so hello to anyone who reads this. I am just a college student that enjoys writting about her passion, heart, and life. I am a Christian and God inspires a lot of my writing. I am not perfect, and I am still learning what it means to lay down your cross everyday. There's a little about me.

It's been day one without my best friend and I feel lost. My life is still rolling, but she is no longer less than 5 miles away. Now she is 13.5 hours and at least a 1000 miles away. I don't just feel lost because she has moved either. I feel lost in the sense that I have no idea which path to choose for my life right now. There are so many paths I could take right now they all seem like great options, but there is not one yelling "Pick me! Pick me!"

I also have felt ashamed lately. The path I keep finding myself on is not the path for me, but I find it very difficult to get off of it. I get off and then I get back on it. I just need to have the strength to stay off of it, but for some reason that strength is not completely there.

Another part of my life right now is this desire to lead again and it would be a bigger step of leadership for me. Purity is definately a passion of mine. I love all the purity retreats that I have been on and I miss attending them. My church was supposed to have one this year, but it did not happen. So I have been thinking I should step up the plate and plan it. These two quotes are what inspire me to take that step.

"We are all faced with a serious of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations." C. Swindoll

"If I find myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probably explanation is that I was made for another world." C. S. Lewis

If the purity retreat happens, you will hear all about it. This blog will probably hold all my ideas for it. So if you are reading this, pray for me. Pray I have the strength to get off this path and to take that next step to start the purity retreat. Pin It