Day 20: Dear Person Who Broke My Heart the Most

Dear T*,

I understand I broke up with you, but that doesn't mean you still couldn't have broken my heart because you did. I spent my summer going back and forth on whether my decision was right. I spent a month not feeling anything because it was too hard to fight with myself. Then I spent another month fighting with myself, God, and life trying to figure out if letting you go was the right thing. I finally got to the point where I realized God was allowing me to have the choice to decide and if it wasn't supposed to be he wouldn't allow it to happen. So I remembered your words, "If you change your mine, I'll be here." And I ran after those words! I got the guts to tell you how I had to been feeling after I fought with myself for a whole summer. I had thought, prayed, struggled, and came to a conclusion that we could make it work. I was scared in the beginning. Scared of being hurt, taken advantage of, left, falling for you because there was something I never told you.

I was starting to fall in love with you. I could feel the words forming on my lips wanting to be let out, but in my head I was crazy. I always told myself I would be the girl who waited to say s the words "I love you" to the man I would marry and spend the rest of my life with. The idea that I could say that to you was the scariest thing in my life. Could I actually have these feelings for you that I did? Could you be the one? So I decided I would never know unless I gave my whole self into the relationship and stopped being scare. That's when I jumped. I told you how I felt. And that's when I fell.

I fell hard and hit the ground defeated. The words you said on my drive way that day meant nothing anymore. The future you talked about with me just faded and I was left to deal with the shattered pieces of a heart. My heart. So I slowly began to pick them up and to be honest I'm probably still picking them up. I found a piece of best friend, of love, of trust, of hope, of belief, and so much more. And I slowly began to glue those pieces back together. Sometimes a piece falls out again and I re-glue it.

My heart is broken and the scar will always be there, but I could never tell you that. Pin It

Day 19: Someone that pesters your mind, good or bad

Dear Blind Date,

Why did I ever think this would be a good idea?! I walk past a guy and think,"Are you my date?" In class, I take up the time by wondering how the date will be. Yes, it is just for fun, but I'm a girl! Of course we want it to turn into something more! So here it is: Please be nice, funny, kind, caring, have a big heart. Oh and if God is listening, please let this be the guy for me. I'm getting a little impatient here. And if You, God, don't think he is the one for me then please let us allow to still be friends. I'm tired of having the awkward "we went on date and now we don't talk" thing.

Oh and more to you, blind date. If you're reading this (which you're probably not), don't think of this as being weird. I'm a blogger and I'm bold and honest. I say how I feel and what I think and this has been something pestering my mind lately. Pin It

Day 18: Dear the person that I wish I could be

Dear the person I wish I could be,
I wish you could be as bold and confident as you are on your best days. I wish you never had days where you give in to temptation. I wish you were my patient with yourself and others. I love your independence, but you don't need to always do things on your own. You can ask others for help, but just remember to say thank you. Stop forgetting to take your own advice. Claim it and recieve it! If it works for others, why wouldn't it work for you? Just remember to always love yourself, believe in yourself, and push yourself to the best you can be! Pin It

Day 17: Someone from your childhood

Dear boy who's name I've forgotten,
I had many crushes on boys in elementary school, but you were the first boy I ever remember thinking about all the time. We met on one random day and spent three hours in the morning just playing around. Playing hide and go seek and basketball. You were the first sincere guy I had a crush on and I cherished my day dreams about you. Who knew that I would have many more days dreaming about different guys. I'm not really sure why I'm writing to you; you're the only person I felt okay to write about. I never saw you again after that day, but I never forgot about you. Guess that just shows first impressions are remembered. I think I'm just rambling now and I highly doubt you are reading this blog or remember who I am so I hope you're life is wonderful! Pin It

Day 16: Dear someone that is in a different state/country

Dear Laura,
I hope you are loving India. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you and the great friend you have become in my life. You never hear stories about someone becoming friends with their best friend's sister, but I am truly blessed. Thank you so much for spending time with a 19 year old and listening to my drama. You are wiser than you know and I appreciate your advice and everything you do for me. Can't wait to see you when you get back and see all that God did for you in those three weeks in India. Pin It

Day 15: The person you miss the most

Dear future husband,

We may have met, we may have not, but I miss you so much. I miss the fact you cannot see the changes I've made in my life and the relationships I am building right now. I miss your smile, your scent, and the way you make me laugh. I miss hugging you and talking to you and only you. I am so looking forward to the day that it is clear to both of us that we were meant for each other. The day we learn that our hearts were knit together by God. I hope I don't have to go much longer missing you, but if I do remember that I always love you, am thinking about you, and praying for you.

Love you! Pin It

Day 14: Dear someone I've drifted away from

Dear Small Group Girls,

I miss you all so much. When people go different ways there is the transition into separation that is full of turns. I guess growing up means you leave things behind; not that I'm leaving you guys behind because I will always carry the memories we shared together. We are on two different paths in our lives and we are experiencing life changing events in each of our lives. You are run across my mind and I hope you are experiencing all you could wish for in your high school careers. I love you all! Pin It

Day 13: Someone you wish could forgive you

Dear S*,

I really wish you would forgive me. I understand the way I ended our friendship was not very mature or considerate of me, but I also wish you could understand where I was coming from. We were best friends and after moving we became very different people. You weren't the friend I remembered and I became uncomfortable at your house and stopped enjoying being with you. I never meant to hurt you, but I was selfish and was only thinking about myself when I sent you that message online telling you we couldn't be friends anymore. I am so sorry for ever handling it that way, but I wish you would forgive me and would understand what I was trying to do and why I did it. I will always cherish the memories we share and miss you, but understand we are two different people walking down two separate paths with nothing much in common except the memories of the past. I love you and wish and hope for the best for you! Pin It

Day 12: Dear person who caused me the most pain

Dear Satan,

Every single day you are shooting something my way to trip me up. I've sinned, used nasty language, and hated people thanks to you and yet I can't blame you because they were all my actions, but I know you whispered lies into my ears to make it be alright. Is it bad to say I hate you? Does that make me sin as well? Life would be filled with more happiness and beauty if you didn't have any role in it. I know just saying this will want you to hang out with me more, but please just leave me alone. I don't want your bad company and your endless lies. Pin It

Word of 2010: Disappointment

It must be because I am not conversing with people a lot, but I have had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. It could also be because this past year was just rough. As the title of this says, I had a great year, but I faced disappointment a lot and I've thought a lot as to why this might have happened. Let me recap the big disappointments of this year:
-March: I did not get the RA position that I had always dreamed about. I also was not selected to receive the internship at the church in Alaska that I really wanted.
-June: Not only did I loose a best friend, but my relationship with T* did not work out.
-December: My dad lost his job.

So here are some of my reasons for why this might have happened:
1.) A lesson from God-maybe he was showing me how to rely on him even through the storms.
2.) I usually receive what I want and this is the first time I haven't, so maybe this is just showing me, just like the song, "You can't always get what you want."
3.) I have been living in an alternate universe and life has always been this hard, but I was just too much of an optimist.

I'm leaning more towards 1 and 2 than 3. Let's just rule out 3. I'm curious to see what this year will provide. Will it be the opposite of this past year? Will I get answers to why everything has been rough this year? Will I get my friend back? Will my dad get a better job than he has ever been offered? Will I get to spend my summer in Washington or Alaska? What does this year hold for me?

When I get my answers or a new word for the year, I'll let you know. Pin It

Day 11: A deceased person you wish you could talk to

Dear Grand-dad,
I feel like it us unfair that you had to die when I was so young. I can't remember any memories with you because of being so young. I only can picture you in stories that people tell me. I know you would be a lot of help in times like these. I know mom wouldn't be so sad because she could rely on you. Although you're not here, I feel you always watching over me. Whenever I get stopped at a railroad track, I think you are keeping me from harm on the other side. I love you and I miss you. Thanks for keeping me safe up there! Pin It

Day 10: Dear Someone I don't talk to as much as I'd like to

Dear Mel,

I miss seeing you every Sunday and talking to you all the time. You have been such an excellent example in my life and you are the most wise person I have ever met. I aspire to be as great as a Christian woman as you. I wish I could share whats going in my life with you right now and I know I could pick up the phone and call you, but it's just not the same. I miss you beyond words and I hope your life is fulfilling for you. Pin It

Day 9: Someone you wish you could meet

Dear Taylor Swift,

I wish we were best friends. I admire you so much and hope to be the brunette version of you. Your songs always touch me and can make me feel so many different emotions. Although the public is always looking for your flaws, I remember that you are just like the rest of us. Sure you are considered "famous," but you go through a life just like ours just under a spotlight. Overall, I respect you and hope for the best for you. Maybe someday I will finally get to meet you! Pin It

Day 8: Dear Favorite Internet Friend

Dear K*,
We have been friends now for about 6 years now and yet we have never met. You and I have had an interesting Internet relationship. Introduced by the lovely Lizzie and our friendship took off. Sometimes I wish we could just go back to those days where we talked all the time, learning about each other and secretly crushing on each other. I miss the days where I always was guaranteed a "goodnight cutie." Such a simple relationship, but there's still the lack of reality. I still cannot wait to meet you some day and I hope it happens soon. I never told you, but you kind of broke my heart the day I turned 16. I finally thought we might be able to date (even though we never met, we were young) and then I was shocked to learn that you had began dating another girl. Who knows? Maybe we're both made for each other. Maybe we're not, but either way I am so thankful for the friendship we have had over the years and hope we can always be friends. Pin It

Day 7: Ex-Boyfriend

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
I'm not even sure where to begin. We were best friends before we even began our relationship and I miss our friendship. I miss coming to you when I need advice or when I just want to talk to someone. I miss you all together. Some days I'm alright with the decision I made and some days I'm not. I believe we would still be together if we would have waited another year or a couple of months before pursuing each other. You were the best guy I have ever dated, but even with that there are a lot of things that bothered me. You may disagree with me, but I always felt like I was trying to make things work more than you. I felt like I poured more of myself into our relationship than you did. But the thing that upsets me the most is the fact you talked about a future with me; about a life with me. I wish you would have never said those words because they play over and over again in my head. They were nothing but words and because of that I know we were meant to be. Sure, at the time I loved hearing those words, but it's because I believed they were true. You may say they were true, but if they were you would have waited for me. You would have waited til I was done running from you. I think the hardest thing of all is that I was so close to giving you all of my heart and you are the first guy I ever considered allowing to have it. I think that's why some days I am okay with my decision and sometimes I'm not. I have this odd feeling you have hard feelings for me. That you don't think I'm kind or that I deserve the best as I feel you deserve the best. Maybe I'm wrong; I hope I'm wrong. But I won't you to know that with all of this said I do not have hard feelings toward you. In the beginning, yes I did have those feelings, but I understand that we are not meant to be anymore and I am okay with that. I wish you the best with your life and I hope you can say the same for me.

I miss you and our friendship and if you ever read this know you will always have a place in my heart because you were always a best friend for me. Pin It

Day 6: Dear Stranger

Dear Stranger,
You have the rest of your life before you. You are so young and you have a lot to learn in your life. Be patient; don't wish for life to flash before your eyes. Enjoy each year and wish for it to slow down. Be carefree and don't hold the world on your shoulders. Life is easy as long as you allow it to be; don't complicate it or add drama. Stand your ground! Be bold and confident. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not good enough and that you won't ever make it. You will be great! Remember that you have the right to make your own decisions and that every failure is a lesson learned. Keep your standards high and don't settle. And remember you are beautiful! Pin It

Day 5: Dreams

Dear Dreams,

There are too many of you to discuss individually. I've always dreamed of changing the world and I plan on doing that in many different ways. By helping humanity, by being bold, and by taking a chance on the risk. I know with this that my life will not be luxurious, easy, or amazing. I'm prepared to fall 100 times, to make mistakes and take the consequences, to be bashed and criticized by those who are close and not close to me. And I dream of you. I dream that we are going to meet soon or that we have already met and you are going to make your move to sweep me off my feet. I dream of the life we will have and the adventures we will go on together. I hope you dream of me because I dream of you dreaming of me. You dreams are much more easier to dream about than to actually tackle, but watch out! I'm not just a dream believer; I'm a dream maker. Pin It

Day 4: Dear Siblings

Dear Nat,
We are growing closer and closer to each other's hearts. We've been sisters since I was born, but it has taken us time to actually love each other like sisters. I think we could both say that we were just both annoying to each other. We're so many years apart so it's hard to relate, but you have become one of my best friends. You have an insight that I love to look into and you have been so helpful with college. I love when you come home and we now have little sleepovers in my room. Sure we both just sit on our own computers doing our own things, but we're in the same room doing it together. I know I said some hurtful things to you in the past, but I take it back. You have and will always be my role model. You are strong, independent, and a loving person. I miss having you around the house, but I'm excited that you are starting your own life with your new husband and hopefully kids soon! Love you so much!

Dear G,
Boy do you drive me crazy! One minute we are getting along and then next minute we're not talking, but I would never ask for that to change. I am truly lucky to call you my brother. Other people are jealous of our relationship and I'm glad they are. I always wished for an older brother to protect me, but even though you are younger than me I know you will always protect me and care for me. When I cry, you listen and we can have the best conversations. We can help each other understand mom and dad and I love all of our goofy times together when we just laugh and have the best time ever. Please never change! I'll be honest and say I thought you would always be the trouble maker, but I was wrong to ever think that. You can be a brat, but I know that's just the guy in you. You want to look tough, but you are a sweetheart deep inside. I love you brother! Pin It

Day 3: My Parents

Dear Mom,
Well it is clear that I love you, but I can never say it enough. You gave me life and you've given me the best life ever. You have sacrificed yourself for me millions of times and I hope to be as great as a mother as you have been for me. You are so real. It took me high school to grow close to you, but I am so glad it happened sooner than later. I can trust you with anything and you always comfort me when I need it or don't want it. You are great and I can never say it enough! I love you!

Dear Dad,
Two peas in a pod. I bruise my foot, you bruise your foot. You fall down the stairs, a day later I fall down the stairs. We get each other and I love that. I'm glad we can share the same personality and that we can always connect. You will always be my prince charming and I hope that the guy I marry is as great as you. I love you dad! Pin It