My Life

My life has been quite a journey lately, this past week especially. Monday I felt lost and I found myself walking back to my apartment crying because of this feeling. I have changed a lot since high school and I sometimes miss the person I was then. I was involved in so much and never really had time to relax. Well, I know have a life that includes some relaxation which is probably good for a full-time student and part-time worker, but being busy defined who I was and I miss my busy side. The last year has shown me that I have pushed relationships away and that I instantly see the worst in people.

So to fix this fear and unrealistic mindset of mine, I participated in two small groups this week. One was purely to socialize and I loved it. I loved getting to know people better while at the same time allowing people to know me better. The second was a bible study and this was so hard to do! I've been trying to be more of collectivist when it comes to my faith rather than an individualist. I love the relationship I have with God, but I also know he says that we are a body and that we should fellowship with each other. I am still hesitant about the Bible study, but this is the first bible study I have been involved in since my Freshman year of college. Hopefully these events will help me to be more social and maybe add some healthy busyness to my life.

While this blog has always just been a place for me to journal in a way and keep family updated, I have decided I want it to include different aspects of my life as well. So this week I am going to share some recipes that I have made in the past couple of months. Thanks to the lovely website known as Pinterest I have been more creative when it comes to cooking.

http://www.chef-in-training.com/2012/01/crock-pot-chicken-parmesan.html

I made this recipe this week and it was super quick and easy. We ended up eating dinner pretty late the night I made it so the chicken basically fell apart, but it was still a cheap and easy recipe for a college student.

http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes/baked_parmesan_tomatoes.html

This was also a quick and simple recipe, but not a favorite just by itself. I'd like to try it another time and create into a panini instead of just the tomato by itself. Takes about 10 minutes and is an easy appetizer or snack.

http://formamas.blogspot.com/2011/08/pizza-casserole.html

This recipe was not so quick. It took some time to prepare and a while to cook; plus I did not use the right noodles so it came out as more of a soup rather than casserole. Overall, it was delicious but not exactly efficient for the college life when it comes to time-management.

http://ashleykaitlin.blogspot.com/2011/01/million-dollar-spaghetti.html

I saved the best for last! This recipe is so delicious and I have made it three times since I found it. I have a roommate who does not really enjoy marinara sauce, but she loves this dish. It's similar to lasagna with a twist and is just too yummy! It takes a little bit of time to make, but I'm willing to put in the time because we have enough for leftovers for a couple of days after making it.

As you can see most of my recipes have an Italian side to them. Pasta is affordable and cheap for us to make and I love Italian food! Seriously, I probably would eat it everyday except for the fact its not healthy to do that.

To end this post, I am going to leave you with some wisdom I am trying to implement into my life this week.

I do things based on feelings a lot and I really want to stop doing that. Feelings can be right sometimes, but mine lately have not been true. I hope you and I can work together to remember what we deserve. Whether that is a better friendship/relationship, a different lifestyle, or simply a job well-done.

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Round 2

Where or who do you turn to when you need great advice?

I usually turn to my roommates when I need advice. They are the people who will love me at my worst and put up with my craziness. Now whether or not I listen to their advice is a different question. I probably listen to their advice more than anything, but I still have the times where I ask for advice and still choose to do what I think is best. Sometimes that works, but majority of the time they have whats best in mind and I do not.

What is your favorite fictional story?

My favorite, that is impossible. I love to read and there are many books that just hit my heart. The Christy Miller and Katie Weldon Series by Robin Jones Gunn enveloped my high school years. I dreamed of finding my own Todd and Eli and going on the adventures Christy and Katie went on. The Guy I'm not Dating series is another favorite as well. I also dream of a future Gabe and a time where I can feel secure in my single life. Stand-In Groom is my third and final favorite. Yes, all of these end up being love stories, but all have a unique part in why I love them. Christy Miller shows the life of love and Christianity; actually all the books do. The Guy I'm Not Dating makes me burst out loud laughing every time I read it and I have at least once a year since I found it in high school. Stand-In Groom shows the difficulties when it comes to jobs and love which could happen in my life, right?

What is the most recent dream you had while sleeping?

On Sunday, I dreamt that I got married. My dress was mermaid style with lace and it was odd to put together. I drove to pick up my best friend, but turned around so I wouldn't miss my wedding. My bridesmaids when and picked up my best friend and then I walked down the aisle and got married to my Husband. The next day his brother was trying to steal me away from my husband and I woke up. Very weird dream, but fun to see myself in a wedding dress.

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Discover

I've found that I am an individual that likes to answer questions. I can talk longer if I am asked a question than if we just simply talk. So with that, I have been looking for questions to answer which can lead to discovery and open my eyes. So here I begin with blogs asking questions for discovery.

Who was your first love? Where is he or she now?

I've never been "in" love if that makes sense. I've never said "I love you" to show a deep commitment to someone, but I have felt love for someone grow in me. The first person was probably K*. We have never met, but we were pretty serious about each other when I was in middle school. Thanks to a good friend we both became friends and began to talk almost every night on the phone and send the lovely myspace messages to each other. At this age, I was not allowed to technically "date." So we talked with the fact we both liked each despite the fact we never met. After he bought me a ring, I realized how serious the situation was and I began to pull away. I pulled away completely when I stopped talking to him when we were supposed to meet at an amusement park. He and I are still friends and sometimes I wonder if maybe he was the guy meant for me. We still haven't met and I hope we meet at least once someday. Whether he is the guy for me or not, he is the first boy who created the idea of love for me.

If you could be in your dream place at this moment, what would you be doing?

Right now my dream place is Seattle. Indiana is home, but I am ready to spread my wings and land in Seattle. I want to develop its lifestyle and learn the life of Seattle student. I would stroll the city, the parks, take in the scenery and wind up in a Starbucks coffee shop having an intellectual conversation with a stranger. I'd discover a quaint cafe and eat lunch while reading a book. Then I'd buy the outfit I've always dreamt of with the perfect shoes, of course. I'd end the night enveloped in the arms of the man  for me. What a dream!

If you had the opportunity to get a message across to people, what would it be?

To be honest I dream of speaking in front of people; telling them about the hardships in life but the beauty with breakthrough. But the one thing I have always had a desire to talk about is Purity. Maybe it's because it is the topic that brought me to Christ or has played a major part in the decisions in my life. Mainly purity when it comes to sexual actions and relationships. I'll be honest. I struggle with pure thoughts, pure actions, pure desires, etc. I'm a human being. I desire sex, I crave the feeling, and I dream about the experience. I've made mistakes in relationships and crossed the lines I set up for myself, but their is beauty in redemption and that's what my message would be. It is never too late to start over or to begin again. Forgiveness is constant in every aspect of our lives and especially with purity. I want to warn younger girls of  the life that is going to hit them, discuss the events occurring in high school girls life, and teach older girls how to forgive themselves for their mistakes. Purity is beautiful and unique in each of us. That would be my message.

What can you do today that you were not capable of doing a year ago?

A year ago I was at the weakest point in my life to date. I was lost, broken, hurt, angry, sad, and depressed. A year ago I couldn't confront my problems in a healthy mindset. I would get lost in a world that wasn't real to get out of reality. This year I am capable of asking myself the tough question. What is really making me want to escape reality? I have the strength to say no to the temptation and I have strength to ask the tough questions.

If you had the opportunity to go back in time and change one thing, would you do it?

While I do not have regrets in life, there is one aspect of my life that I would change if I could. It has been a chain on me for my life and sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had not stumbled across it and let it be apart of my life.

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