Future Talk...Again

For those of you that read, I am sorry for constantly talking about my future. Then again I am not sorry because the future is where I am heading and I have some big decisions to make in the next 4 months. BIG decisions!

I have yet to hear anything from the Seattle School yet, but I am sure since I mentioned it on here now that I will be getting an email or phone call sometime today because that is how my life works. My mind is constantly circling about what I should do. Today is a day that I am all for Seattle. That means: I want to live in the beautiful city, I want to embark on the intense program of discovering my story and experiencing some serious transformation, I want to acquire the hipster style, I want to drink lots of coffee and go to Kerry Park to see the sun-set.

I want Seattle.

Yesterday I wanted to move to California with my best friend and be her personal assistant. I want to embark on a new adventure, but with a friend I have known forever doing something I have never wanted to do.

Tuesday, I wanted to go to Seattle again.

And last Wednesday- I wanted to take a year off and just work, but by Friday I never wanted to work again.

This is how fast my mind has been running through the different paths I have before me. So many life choices. Why is it so difficult?

And as I stressed my self with what is to come, I found this quote on Pinterest.

Is this true? It does not matter which path I take if I do not know where I am going?

Any thoughts?

Pin It

Oh life

My goodness life lately has been going by fast.

Thanksgiving break...well not much of a break. If the word workaholic ever described me, it definitely did this past week. I almost worked about 40 hours in 4 days so I came home one day in tears from a lack of sleep and being upset with myself for over-committing once again. 

Even though it was stressful, I was still able to spend some quality time with family and friends, and doing a little bit of shopping. Now I am in the last 3 weeks of the semester which means lots of tests and presentations. 

It also means I should be hearing from a certain school very soon.

On the outside, I am completely calm and not caring too much.

But on the inside, I am a little nervous...maybe a lot? I keep trying to prepare myself for whatever the answer may be.

If the answer is yes, okay then I need to start thinking if this is truly a possibility.

If the answer is no, then I need to start focusing on the other schools I applied for.

And even with all that, I need to figure out if I even want to go to Grad school as soon as I graduate. It has been my plan for the last couple of years, but now I am not sure if it is what I want to do.

Maybe I want to take a year off and save some money and take a break from studying all the time.

There are pro's and con's for each side and I am sure I will keep you up to date on this big life decision.

Pin It

Giving thanks to Thanksgiving break!

Do you ever just hear a song and decide you want to listen to it over and over again?

Here is my latest song obsession:

I promise you will love it!

Pin It

I forgot to mention something...

I realize now how my last post may have sounded somewhat depressing. I also realized yesterday that I forgot to tell you a major part of my trip and how it is currently affecting how I think about things.

A year and a half ago when I left Indiana to go work at Camp Lutherwood in Bellingham, Washington I created a prayer that I continued to pray every single day I was in Washington. 

Here it is: 

"Dear God, please help me to keep my mind, heart, and eyes open to you and what you desire to do today and in this place."

For some reason I stopped praying this prayer when I returned home and slowly forgot about the words I would repeat every morning or night. Thanks to my lovely roommate I was reminded of my prayer again during my first day in Washington. I was unpacking my bag when I found an encouraging letter from her and at the bottom it said to "keep an open mind, heart, and ears for God." Not only was I super appreciative of the friend I spend my life with, but I was also amazed at how a prayer I had not said in a year and a half became present again in the state I left it in.

I kept the letter and prayer in my heart and went about my trip shopping and spending time with friends. On the preview day for the Seattle school, the admissions director started off the day by asking everyone "to keep their minds, hearts, and ears open for what God may be speaking to them that day."

Okay, hold up! Two times this prayer is being repeated to me by people who had no idea that had been my prayer when I was here last time. I think I got goose-bumps at this point and tried to not freak out.

Another event also played a huge part into my life that week. So you know these cool fortune things: 

Well, I spent 50 cents and got a good old fortune. I did not expect the fortune to be right at all, but boy was I wrong. Now let me preference, I do not believe in witch-craft or wizardry (although it would be really cool if it existed), but what was written on my fortune is really hard not to believe in. I would call it more of a God moment than anything! The fortune said that I would be receiving a letter soon that could change my life dramatically and I deserve this because of the faith I have shown. A letter that would change my life=graduate school, possibly the Seattle school. 

There were multiple points in my trip when I was reminded God was at work and that He does have a plan for me even if He waits to reveal it to me.

So with that said, the Seattle school has not been ruled out for me. It just has not been ruled in either. I am waiting on God's direction and timing. But isn't this all so cool?!

Pin It

Prepare yourselves...

I have finally caught up on my sleep (not my school work) so therefore I can finally let you know about my trip to Washington.

Let me give you a little background of my expectations for this trip:

I expected to walk into the Seattle School and know whether or not this would be the school for me.

I expected to find awesome deals on clothes and come back with a new wardrobe.

I expected to have deep conversations about life with all my camp friends.

I expected to want to call this place home.

Here is what really happened:

I left the Seattle School in tears and even more confused than I was before. It turns out that God does not always strike you with clarity the instance you expect it. The school is great and has a lot to offer, unfortunately I am just unsure if it is what I want for my life. Graduate school in general is now an uncertainty in my life. I want so much to become a licensed counselor, but the process is long and hard. Being in school for three more years just sounds horrible at this point. All I want to do is be an adult with a salary, own house, and enough money to pay all my bills and contribute to my coffee addiction. I am still in the same place I was when I left for Washington. Unsure of the future and no idea where I am being called.

I bought a postcard and one shirt on my trip to Washington. I did not find amazing deals on clothes and did not create a new wardrobe. College students budgets suck.

I had lots of conversations with my camp friends, but only a few deep ones. Time and change was something I was reminded of this trip. People change with time and sometimes are not the people you remember and sometimes become more important people in your life. These relationships are ever-changing even though I may want them to stay the same. Time. Time. Time.

For the last year and a half since I returned from Washington, I have been telling people Seattle would be the next place I called home. I never had any doubts about it, but now I am filled with doubts. Being away for a week reminded me of the distance that exists between Seattle and Indiana. It reminded me of how important my family and friends are to me and how distance can play a huge factor in those relationships. I also finally realize how dramatically my life will change if I pack up and move to Washington. 

My future is so UN-defined. I like definition and plans. I want a defined plan for my life.

When will I have a defined plan for my life?

Pin It