*Note: This is an old Rachel; a very dramatic, but quite insightful Rachel*
Hi ya'll! Yes, I did used to say ya'll. I've always wanted to be southern and I really tried to in the past. I am here today to share with you some writings I wrote through high school and my early college days. Warning: I had a lot of emotions, a lot of thoughts, and a lot going on. Be kind and remember I am sharing my life. No reason to be a mean ol' boy.
December 26, 2010
I've been thinking about my future a lot lately. Maybe its because opportunities are being presented to me. There are all these possible paths in front of me and here I am, once again, confused and scared. RA position, CAB officer, Washington, Alaska, Pipers, and the list goes on. 95% of me is scared. I've experienced rejection in many of these things before and I do not want to experience that again. These are all just chances. This song sums it up pretty well:
I love it when it says "Chances won't escape from me." Sometimes it is just easier to not try because taking risks are scary, but I'm tired of sitting back and letting life opportunities pass me by. I'd rather say I tried and failed than I quit and failed. Chances are more than expectations the possibilities over me (I have no idea what this means to my future self).
March 3, 2011
For the last two months, I have constantly heard the song "Secrets" by On Republic on the radio. It's usually the first that plays and I start to realize that maybe someone was trying to tell me something. I have secrets; secrets that no one knows. Some of them I am just plain ashamed of and others I am just afraid to say out loud because they hold so much truth. So here starts the reason of me writing this: "This time don't need another perfect line. Don't care if critics jump in line. I'm gonna give all my secrets away..."
-I hate a lot of people at New Hope which is extremely hard for me to say because I don't think I have ever hated so many people before.
-I've hated myself on more than one occasion.
-I sometimes wished that I could have got caught shoplifting with my friends.
I'm sure I have more secrets, but these are all the ones that have come to heart at the moment. So what was the point of this? I'm tired of carrying around this heavy weight. I've begun to share some of these secrets with my closest friends and my counselor. It's been freeing in a way, but also scary. People know about a secret that I held on to for years. A deep dark secret. But I think this is a process in really finding who I am. I have all of these secrets, but they don't keep me from being who I want to be. Sure they might help me become the person I want to be, but they are no longer a hindrance. So here's to honesty. Let it be world changing!
Well I hope you enjoyed the journey to the past with me. Until next time. Enjoy the present Rachel!
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