Sometimes I wonder why it is so hard for me to share the stuff I discover and learn while I am in Grad School, and other times I know why I don't.
What my school calls me and my fellow classmates to do is super hard.
We are asked to explore until we reach our depths and then dig even deeper.
Sometimes we have vulnerability hangovers and we wonder if another cup of coffee will help us overcome it.
We are doing hard work; very, very, very hard work.
And while we are doing this work we see all the work that other people are not working on.
And sometimes it is sad to watch, other times anger inducing, and other times laughable because I'm paying to do this and then getting frustrated that others are not.
And then on top of all of this, we sometimes find the urge to share what we are learning with others which is why I am here today.
In class we started talking about a green cup.
Now this green cup is not real, but we all believe it is.
Lost, yet? Okay, let me explain.
The green cup is you or me or any human being in the world.
Then there is a white cup and that's also you or me or any human being in the world.
But the thing with the green cup is that it's not really you or me or any human being in the world. The green cup is the you or me or any human being in the world that has been created in our mind by others.
So the green cup is when you think you're being kind to your best friend telling her that her ex is a total loser and then she yells at you for being un-supportive and mean because you don't respond the way she wants you to. The green cup now tells you you're a mean person while the white cup says you are a kind person.
Or the green cup is when you say no to the 15th event you have been invited to this month because you cannot handle anymore events and everyone says you are being so selfish for putting yourself first. The green cup now tells you that you are a selfish person while the white cup says you know your limit.
And the crazy thing is that we convince ourselves the green cup is really who we are when in all reality we are the white cup.
Okay, you all probably think I'm crazy by now, but think about it.
Why is it so easy to believe that the green cup is reality?
Why do we choose to put others ideas of who we are above our own opinions of ourselves?
In my school, we are being called to question the white and green cup constantly.
We are asked to explore what is truth and what is reality and what is not.
We are called to trust ourselves, to believe in ourselves, and to give ourselves grace in the midst of the chaos that is created when deciding if you are the green cup or the white cup.
It is much easier for me to see the white cup in others, especially those I care most about.
It is easier for me to see their goodness above their occasional badness.
It is easier to see their beauty even if they see ugly.
But it is much harder for me to see my own beauty and goodness.
We are beautiful and we are good and we are the white cup.
