It's been a while...

Wow! It has been over six months since I have blogged 

and so much has happened since then.

I took a step back for a while because I lost my passion to come to this space.

I was constantly searching for something to talk about and how I would find the time to write and so I decided to leave for a bit.

I am not sure if I am returning for good or not, but it feels good to just put an update here so maybe I can look back at later on in life.

So what's new?

We bought a house!

And we've been living in it for about 4 and half months now. 

We have yet to really decorate, but we love it.

It is so nice to have our own space and start to build our life together.

But it sure is a lot of work to maintain it.

I have started my last year of graduate school!!

I cannot believe it is finally here.

In about 7 months I will officially be done with my Master's and hopefully starting my future career and passion.

It has been a long journey to get here and I am so excited to be working in my internship and learning more about my practice.

We are less than a year away from our wedding!

We've been engaged for a year and a half and will be celebrating 3 years together this month.

It's crazy to think Brad has been a part of my whole Washington journey

 but I am so grateful to have him by my side and to finally get to marry him.

We already feel married but it will be fun to make our commitment to each other in front of our family and friends!

This year will be busy one and I am ready for it!

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The Green Cup

Sometimes I wonder why it is so hard for me to share the stuff I discover and learn while I am in Grad School, and other times I know why I don't. 

What my school calls me and my fellow classmates to do is super hard.

We are asked to explore until we reach our depths and then dig even deeper.

Sometimes we have vulnerability hangovers and we wonder if another cup of coffee will help us overcome it.

We are doing hard work; very, very, very hard work.

And while we are doing this work we see all the work that other people are not working on.

And sometimes it is sad to watch, other times anger inducing, and other times laughable because I'm paying to do this and then getting frustrated that others are not.

And then on top of all of this, we sometimes find the urge to share what we are learning with others which is why I am here today.

In class we started talking about a green cup.

Now this green cup is not real, but we all believe it is.

Lost, yet? Okay, let me explain.

The green cup is you or me or any human being in the world.

Then there is a white cup and that's also you or me or any human being in the world.

But the thing with the green cup is that it's not really you or me or any human being in the world. The green cup is the you or me or any human being in the world that has been created in our mind by others.

So the green cup is when you think you're being kind to your best friend telling her that her ex is a total loser and then she yells at you for being un-supportive and mean because you don't respond the way she wants you to. The green cup now tells you you're a mean person while the white cup says you are a kind person.

Or the green cup is when you say no to the 15th event you have been invited to this month because you cannot handle anymore events and everyone says you are being so selfish for putting yourself first. The green cup now tells you that you are a selfish person while the white cup says you know your limit.

And the crazy thing is that we convince ourselves the green cup is really who we are when in all reality we are the white cup.

Okay, you all probably think I'm crazy by now, but think about it.

Why is it so easy to believe that the green cup is reality?

Why do we choose to put others ideas of who we are above our own opinions of ourselves?

In my school, we are being called to question the white and green cup constantly.

We are asked to explore what is truth and what is reality and what is not.

We are called to trust ourselves, to believe in ourselves, and to give ourselves grace in the midst of the chaos that is created when deciding if you are the green cup or the white cup.

It is much easier for me to see the white cup in others, especially those I care most about.

It is easier for me to see their goodness above their occasional badness.

It is easier to see their beauty even if they see ugly.

But it is much harder for me to see my own beauty and goodness.

We are beautiful and we are good and we are the white cup.

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Year 3 of Grad School

I've been wanting to share with all of you what classes I am taking this term and all the learning that comes with it.

I haven't done a video blog in a while so I thought I would share what I'm learning through a video this week!

Hope you enjoy!

Just to summarize:

I am in Psychopathology 1 learning about mental disorders and Practicum 2 counseling my classmates. 

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Vulnerability

If there is one thing I have learned from the last two years of being in graduate school, living in Seattle, and forming a relationship with my soon-to-be-husband, it is that communication requires a lot of vulnerability.

I always thought I was really good at stating my needs, wants, and desires, but truth is I am not.

And I started to wonder why that was the other day.

Why do I feel scared when I'm about to tell my fiance how I really feel about something?

Why do I avoid stating my beliefs in class?

Why is it so easy for me to give advice to others but not accept my own?

And I pondered and realized because vulnerability is right around the corner about to pop out at me when I am in these moments. 

When I tell my fiance my feelings or my hurt I am being vulnerable.

When I speak my truth in class I am being vulnerable.

When I accept my own advice I am being vulnerable. 

And it is so scary.

Vulnerability is hard.

It requires you to stop hiding, to be transparent, and to be wholly you.

It asks you to step onto new terrain with someone or something and hope that you won't be left alone, that you will be understood and heard and known.

But there is beauty when your vulnerability is held and known.

When your fiance listens, responds, and allows your needs to be validated. Your wants allowed. And your desire accepted.

It is beautiful when you are able to share your truth and feel confident that your truth is yours to have and it does not matter if its not the same for another.

And it is beautiful when you can take your own advice and run with it to the end.

I'm not sure where you are in life but I hope you're engaging your vulnerability and that you are discovering people who push you to be vulnerable, who require it of you, and ask it of you.

Because I truly believe that your vulnerability is beautiful, it is welcomed, and it is desired.

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What I Learned from a Year of Counseling

Today I finished my 40th hour of counseling required of my masters program. Since last July, I have been seeing the same woman every Monday at 10 a.m. I'll be honest and say it was not always easy. When is working on improving who you are ever easy? But I will say it is worth it. A year of counseling teaches you a lot and today I share some of the things I've discovered.

1.    It is possible for a stranger to see who you truly are.

            -I was skeptical at times with my counselor. I thought "There's no way this lady really knows all of me and can even begin the life I've traveled." And guess what, she never admitted she did know all of me or could understand the live I've traveled. She did try to know all of me and try to see life from my shoes. A complete stranger cared enough about me to try and sometimes trying makes all the difference.

2. Whether you think you need counseling or not, just do it.

            -There were so many times I was ready to quit. Some days I felt like I was digging for anything to talk about and other days I had a list of things. But even on those days I felt I had nothing to bring, there was something there. Sometimes it was something I was not saying, sometimes it was something in my unconscious, and often it was just myself lying to myself that I was fine and did not need someone to talk to.

3. It is NOT about the other.

            -What I mean by this is that counseling is not about fixing the other, you know that person who cut you off in traffic, or your mom who yelled at you again, or your boyfriend who cheated on you for the 5th time (Just so you know these do not refer to me, just topics that can come up in counseling). Counseling is about you. It is about exploring who you are, learning your style of relating, discovering more about yourself that you did not know existed, and being real and honest about your life. It is not about your counselor and their agenda; it is simply for you and what you desire.

4. Push through.

            -I learned that if it is not important to me that I will give it up very easily. There were many Monday's where counseling was not a priority for me, but I came. Often I complained about how it was frustrating to be doing something that I am not necessarily choosing. But I pushed through and learned that this is a way I hide sometimes. If you feel like giving it up, maybe it is time for you to give it up, but challenge yourself to push through and I bet you'll discover something about yourself you did not know was there.

5. You're okay.

            -To hear someone say "You're okay" is a beautiful, caring statement. It rings in your ears as acceptance of who you are. It gives you hope that you will overcome or work through whatever is going on in your life. And it gives you some peace about life.

6. The tissue box may become your best friend.

            -Thank God for Kleenexes and a counselor who places them in a convenient place. Welcome this box and accept it. It is there to heal, to hold, and to let you breathe. 

There was so much more I learned along the way, but sharing all is not necessary.

I am thankful for this past year of self-work and having someone who met with me every Monday.

Until next time...

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The Journey to Becoming a Psychologist

Oh, dear Lord, if you would have told me two years ago that the amount of personal work that comes with pursuing a masters in counseling degree I would have questioned you. And that's exactly what I did two years ago. I thought I had done all the work. I went to college and matured, right?

I have wanted to scream this so many times. It is a lie that you mature, find your identity, and any other cliche line they feed you when deciding to pursue a career, a degree, or anything after high school. Maturity comes when you do self-work and for me maturity is coming with pursuing my masters. I totally thought I knew myself through and through. I was going into this work to help others discover themselves, not me. 

Oh Rachel, you were so wrong. 

My masters program requires 40 hours of personal counseling.

I am on the last 4 hours of my 40 required and I am in this odd place.

On the one hand I am so excited to being almost done. I have been dying for the day when I can stop spending around $200 a month to work on myself.

Then there is the other part of me who, as much as it is hard to admit, does not want to end because there is still so much work to do.

And now I have thrown myself in to group counseling on top of individual counseling and I am wondering what in the world I was thinking. Yes, I am learning a lot, but my goodness it is hard. For any of you that do not believe in counseling, go to one group therapy session and you'll see how difficult the work people are doing is. It is good work, but it is so hard to do.

I am not really sure where I was going with this post other then to share part of my life at the moment and this journey I am on to begin my dream career. Be kind to those that pursue to better themselves, to those that go to counseling, leave counseling, or even consider counseling. The journey is not an easy one, but it is a brave one.

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I am Meredith Grey

This week I learned that I am Meredith Grey.

Yes I have been watching the entire series and I am almost to the end of all that Netflix offers with this series and I may be freaking out a little, but really I am in Meredith Grey mode.

This statement has never been so true.

I started this school term hoping to end with a better idea of the direction I am going with all the hard work I have been doing. I thought I would have a game plan for the next two years and I am just more confused than I ever was. 

I am not happy about this fact and I am quite upset that I still do not know which type of counseling I want to pursue for the rest of my life.

I have the trauma side of counseling saying "Pick me, choose me, love me."

Then there's the heart side of counseling or what I like to call the cardiovascular side saying "Pick me, choose me, love me."

Neuro counseling is not far behind it screaming "Pick me, choose me, love me."

And then there's general counseling and I am yelling "Pick me, choose me, love me."

Choosing which area to pursue is important to me, but it's just not easy.

I care about the future I am walking into, I care about the people I will impact, and I care about the time I devote to certain areas of psychology. I simply want to choose the right path for me and the path that will allow me to do the work I was created to do in this world. 

But the fact is that making this choice is not easy. There is no simply right or wrong path to choose; it's much more complicated than that.

And if you're reading this right now wondering what in the world I am talking about, do not worry. I don't understand me either.

I mostly feel like Meredith grey in her decision to pursue general surgery. General psychology means I can work with the trauma side, the heart side, the brain side, and all the other sides there are to psychology. General psychology is my niche. My passions are widespread and it is not right for me to pick one. I just cannot do that! 

And really Meredith Grey and I are the same because we both shave our legs...sometimes.

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Part 4 Attachment Styles: Disorganized

This is Samantha and she has one of the most 

difficult attachment styles to work through--disorganized.

Samantha

            Samantha grew up in a divorced home. When she was in her early teens, her father left the family and her mother raised her sister and her. Samantha was never sure why her father left and continues to question why today although she has some idea that it may have been for all the fighting her parents engaged in. During the divorce, Samantha had to deal with her mother being the talk of the town. She had decided to take on the more sexual style attire of her time and shocked the town they lived in.

            Not only was Samantha left to take care of herself as her mother went out on date after date, she also became a support system for her younger sister who continued to have nightmares from their parents fighting when she was younger. Because of the lack of parenting in her life, Samantha primarily relied on herself. She had a strong friend group, but never let them in on much in her life. Her friend Teeny was the only one who knew her parents were divorcing and the rest of her friends did not find out until a few years later.

            Samantha threatened her mother to move in with her father often, but never followed through because she feared him at the same time. Even though Samantha does not like to admit, she knows her parents’ divorce was probably for the best as her mother feared her husband because of his alcoholic outbursts.  She desired to be close to her father, but was also fearful of how his outbursts may affect her as well.

            Today, Samantha prefers to be alone. She has had many failed relationships because of her lack of engagement with the other and her need to hide feelings. While Samantha has a popular audience because of her best-selling books she avoids the public because of the anxiety it creates in her. To her therapist, she describes her happiest days as days where she does not leave the house, does not engage with the outside world, and types away on her new novel.

Clinical Approaches for Samantha

            After spending months attempting to dig into Samantha’s family of origin, her therapist has finally created a plan of action for Samantha. One of the main reasons Samantha committed to therapy was for the anxiety she experiences trying to leave her house each day. Over the years her anxiety has increased and this is the worst it has ever been for her. Samantha discusses how she is unsure how she gets to these places of increased anxiety, but desires to be able to enter into the world again. She is tired of being alone and would like to meet someone to share life with.

            The first step for her therapist is to explore Samantha’s relationship with her father. Her therapist believes Samantha has a disorganized attachment style that she relates to due to her relationship with her father. When Samantha shares stories about her father, she frequently discusses the fear her father invoked in her but also the desire she wanted to have him a part of their family after the divorce. Samantha’s therapist believes this desperate desire to pursue her father but also avoid him describes her disorganized attachment (White & Yellin, 2012, p. 129).

            Because of this upbringing of fear and pursuit, the therapist also believes this contributes to Samantha’s desire to avoid others. The therapist thinks that Samantha has difficulty in communicating with others effectively because of having to rely on herself only in her teen years. If Samantha had parents who pursued a secure attachment style with her, she would be able to more freely allow others to get close to her and create an intimate relationship (Costello, 2013, p. 9). Since neither of her parents provided this for her, she still does not know how to break down the very thick, strong wall she has built to protect herself.

            Samantha’s therapist would like to help Samantha learn how to trust again. Trust is an important part of creating a secure relationship. The therapist would like to educate Samantha on how to find trust in someone else and also how to show someone they can trust you as well (Levy, 2000, p. 7). Looking at Samantha’s relationship with her childhood friend, Teeny, is how the therapist plans to educate Samantha on trust. When Samantha talks about her past, she mentions how Teeny was always there for her and was the only person she felt comfortable to talk to about her parent’s divorce. By exploring their friendship, the therapist hopes this reminds Samantha that trust can exist and still exists.

            Along with exploring the friendship with Teeny, the therapist also wants to help Samantha build a trusting relationship while in session. At the moment, Samantha does not fully trust her therapist and has kept her at a distance for some time. The therapist wants to focus on implementing a collaborative dialogue with Samantha. If the therapist allows Samantha to know her, the fears she has or has had, and the desire she has to be in relationship with her, she hopes that Samantha will learn to trust her and know that she is welcome to be known in this environment (Beebe & Lachmann, 2014, p. 171).

            Starting with these areas, the therapist has hope that Samantha can relinquish the fear she has held for all these years. Once Samantha can explore and put words to the fear she had for father, the therapist believes Samantha can work on building her trust with men. Samantha wants to find someone to spend her life with, but the therapist believes the fear and lack of trust with her father is being projected onto other men in the world. The therapist wants to show Samantha that she can provide safety for herself and also find safety within the other (Levy, 2000, p. 7). In order to achieve this, Samantha has to learn to trust in herself. To trust that she is capable of leaving a relationship that makes her fearful, to trust that she is capable of being loved, and to trust the she is capable of being known by someone other than herself.

Overall Purpose

Displaying the different attachment styles is important for all therapists to engage with. Each client that enters into therapy is bringing a history that has shaped who they are today and continues to impact them daily in life. Understanding their family of origin, their relational patterns, and their view of the world can help the therapist move in a direction that will benefit their client and help create the secure relationship that is longed for. The overall purpose is transformation.

Each client hopefully has a desire to leave their sessions with practical tools or questions to help them become the person they desire to be. Teeny desires to have a successful, loving relationship with her partner, Chrissy wants to be a wonderful mother that allows her daughter to grow into a secure attachment, Samantha hopes to let go of the fear and pain of her past that she walks around with, and Roberta wants to release the anger against her father that she holds on to tightly. No matter what the client brings to the session, the goal is to transform and to find the keys to a successful life for each individual client.

This is the end of the attachment style paper I wrote. I would love to hear your questions, suggestions for sharing other papers, and your thoughts on attachment styles! 

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Part 3 Attachment Styles: Pre-occupied, Anxious, Ambivalent, Resistant

This is Roberta. She has the pre-occupied attachment style.

Roberta

            Roberta grew up in a family of all men. At the age of two, her mother passed away and she was left to be raised by her father. Because of her mother’s death, Roberta has suffered from separation-anxiety and has always feared losing the ones she cares most about. In her teenage years, Roberta discovered her died had lied to her about her mother’s death to help her understand as a child and she began to be very angry with him. Since this discovery, Roberta holds the anger towards her father but has begun to wonder if it was his way of also coping with his wife’s death. Despite the anger, Roberta mentions she stayed in her home town, Shelby, Indiana, in order to be close and take care of her father along with her best friend Chrissy. Chrissy is the only person Roberta has allowed to know the darkest and deepest parts of her life. She is the only person Roberta can truly trust, but she fears the upcoming birth of Chrissy’s child will separate them and she is very anxious about this.

            Since childhood and teenage years, Roberta has been very hesitant of pursuing a romantic relationship. Roberta states that she believes this is because of losing her mother at a young age and never having the relationship talk. Any man who has pursued Roberta has mentioned she is too cautious to begin with, but then becomes overwhelming with her constant focus on providing for them. Roberta does not understand what these men mean and is left feeling confused at the end of her relationships. She believes putting her needs to the side and allowing their needs to be met is how a relationship lasts. Although she believes this, she has come to therapy to learn more about how to have a relationship that lasts and to possibly work through the resentment she holds towards her father for the lies he told.

Clinical Approach for Roberta

            Roberta’s therapist wants to begin work by focusing on the need to take care of her father. The therapist believes Roberta’s self-esteem is dependent on her attachment to her father and thinks this may be part of the problem with her relationships (Holmes, 2001, p. 10). Instead of focusing on her own needs, Roberta is willing to put her needs to the side and put others before her. While this is a hospitable quality, it is damaging the relationships in her life because of the disappointment she ends up feeling from the other when they do not meet her needs (Costello, 2013, p. 81). One way the therapist would like to work on Roberta naming her needs is conveying the needs she hears back to Roberta. When the therapist does this, she hopes it will help Robert to feel heard and seen as she believes her father did not know how to do this for Roberta (Beebe & Lachmann, 2014, p. 89). The mirroring role of the therapist will help Roberta understand she does have needs and that her needs are valuable.

            Along with working on the acknowledgement of Roberta’s needs, the therapist would also like to work on breaking Roberta’s fear of inconsistency from those whom are important to her. Roberta’s therapist believes this fear arises out of her separation-anxiety which has been present since her mother’s death. For Roberta, she believes her mother’s death no longer impacts her today; it is just a part of her life story. The therapist, on the other hand, believes her mother’s death continues to impact her today. Roberta never leaves her house without grabbing a picture of her mother and takes it with her everywhere she goes. The therapist would like Roberta to talk about the feelings and memories of her mother’s death and her need to carry her around every day.

By doing this, the therapist hopes Roberta will begin to understand the fear and anxiety that is arising from her best friend’s upcoming birth (Sable, 2012, p. 101). Chrissy has provided the secure base that Roberta desired from her father and mother and has been a place of safety for her. The goal of Roberta’s therapist is not to take this away from her, but to help her see that she can still have a secure base with Chrissy as well as others. With some education about secure attachments, the therapist believes Roberta can use her relationship with Chrissy to help build other secure relationships in her life.

Following this educational teaching about attachment styles, the therapist would like to move into more exploration of Roberta’s attachment style with her father. Roberta’s therapist believes her anxious attachment style is because of the relationship with her father. Roberta has expressed how she has been angry at her father for the lie he told when she was younger about her mother’s death and this comes up frequently in the counseling sessions. The therapist believes it will be healing for Roberta to fully express the anger and hurt she feels for the lie he told years ago. By allowing her space to communicate, the therapist believes Roberta will be able to allow her feelings to be felt and hopes to communicate that she understands her feelings.

Being a doctor herself, Roberta approaches many sessions believing in the value of therapy and ready to accept each task asked of her. While this seems genuine to an extent, the therapist believes this is just a mask for her anxiety in the sessions (Holmes, 2001, p. 17). The therapist would like to help Roberta truly desire to invest herself into the counseling relationship (Holmes, 2001, p. 17). She wants Roberta to be able to know that there will be space for rupture and repair, that she herself believes Roberta can create secure relationships, and that she is also committed to the therapeutic relationship (Holmes, 2001, p. 17). If Roberta can come to the decision to pursue therapy because she believes she truly needs it and has a desire to build secure relationships, then the therapist and she will be able to work together to improve her relationships.

Any questions? 

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Part 2 Attachment Styles: Dismissive/Avoidant

This is Teeny and I have decided that the Dismissive/Avoidant attachment style fits her best.

Teeny is the child of two parents that are pre-occupied with their own social lives. Mr. and Mrs. Sanders had very little time for Teeny and encouraged her to be independent of them which is why Teeny chose to ignore them. She spent most of her childhood and teenage years imagining her future in the movie industry playing the many roles she played out in her life with her parents. Instead of enjoying her teenage years, she desired to grow up faster and begin her life far away from her family and her home in Shelby, Indiana. Teeny had a close knit friend group, but none of them truly knew what was happening in Teeny’s home. Her closest relationship was with Samantha, but even they both held each other at a distance that made it very difficult to rely on each other. Presently, she speaks to her friends a few times a year, but keeps them at a distance with the excuse of her busy movie-making schedule

            For Teeny, her strength and reliance on herself is what she is proud of. She made it as a movie star all by herself and had no assistance from anybody.  Teeny has won many Academy Awards, starred in over 100 movies, and continues to outshine in the movie industry. Although Teeny is very successful, she has not had much success in the love department. After three failed marriages, Teeny has decided to enter into therapy from the encouragement of her new romantic partner in order to try and make one relationship last in her life.

Clinical Approach for Teeny

            With the background Teeny has provided for her therapist, the therapist has decided that she represents the dismissive attachment style. One of the major indicators for this was Teeny’s expectations for her parents. As Teeny mentioned, she found her parents unavailable in almost all categories in her life, but especially emotionally in her life (Siegel, 2012, p. 101). Because of this Teeny learned not to seek others and learned how to manage her own feelings without anyone else’s help (Costello, 2013, p. 81). This attitude is present when she discusses her career success and how well she has done in the industry on her own. Self-sufficiency is what pushes her in life, but has also been the reason her relationships have failed over the years (Sable, 2004, p. 62).

            While Teeny is self-sufficient in most of her relationships, she still desires the love and comfort of a relationship. Her marriages failed because of her need for protection. She let the men in her life get close enough to provide some protection for her, but held them far enough away so that she would not have to feel the pain of rejection if they decided to end the marriage (Holmes, 2001, p. 10). The proximity controlling of her relationships was to protect Teeny, but actually resulted in Teeny being hurt anyways.

            One area Teeny’s therapist wants to work is emotional proximity. Because of Teeny’s parents not providing a secure base for her growing up, she keeps encountering this same problem with her romantic partners. The therapist would like to spend time helping Teeny create a secure base with her partner in hopes that it would allow her to connect more emotionally with her partner (Holmes, 2001, p. 17). In order to help Teeny create a secure base with her partner, the therapist wants Teeny to create a secure base with her. The therapist believes Teeny needs to practice creating the secure base with her first in order for Teeny to be able to see what a secure base looks like and the effort that is required to create one (Howard & Schwartz, 2002, p. 464).    After creating this secure base, the therapist would like to integrate emotionally focused couple therapy (EFT) into the sessions. EFT has a goal of reconstructing the interactions between partners into more accessible and responsive encounters along with creating a space of comfort and care (Johnson, Makinen, & Millikin, 2001, p. 147). Teeny has spent year’s not allowing people to see how she truly feels. She takes her feelings and places them into the character roles in her movies. Instead of placing all her emotions into her character roles, the therapist wants Teeny to start to name her needs and feelings with her partner.

The hope is that practicing this in the therapeutic environment will help Teeny to grow into the practice of allowing more intimate encounters with her partner and allow herself to learn how to rely on not only herself, but someone else as well. While Teeny will practice this first with her therapist, the goal is to eventually invite her partner into the therapeutic session and help them facilitate this therapy together.

            While these are two steps into helping Teeny work towards a secure attachment, there is more work that will be asked of her in later sessions. Teeny has also mentioned a desire to re-connect with her friendships from childhood and has asked the therapist to work with her on mending those relationships. She also has a desire to speak the truth of her childhood to her parents and create a space for them to mend the hurt that has been felt together. There is much hope for Teeny in her search for a secure attachment with those she pursues a relationship with in life and the therapist is looking forward to see how she evolves in each session. 

Any questions?

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Attachment Styles with Now and Then

If you can name the movie these girls starred in together, then you may just have luck understanding my first paper to air on this blog. These actresses appeared in the movie Now and Then which is about four girls who spend a summer saving their money to buy a tree house and also discovering the difficulties of growing up. It is a great movie and you should watch it immediately! Also, watching it may help you understand my paper.

This specific  paper I am sharing will be shared in four parts as it is relatively long and I do not want to overwhelm you. The basis of the paper is to describe each of the attachment styles the girls appear to show and how a therapist may work with them on reaching a secure attachment. 

The four attachment styles are

Secure

Pre-occupied/Anxious/Ambivalent/Resistant

Disorganized

Dismissive/Avoidant

If it helps, here is the prompt I was given for the paper:

 Discuss your clinical approaches to secure, dismissive, preoccupied, and disorganized patients.

Discuss how you might use your subjective experiences to formulate your treatment

approach to enable them to become more secure. Discuss how a more secure attachment to you would make their lives better. 

To help the you understand the goal is to receive a secure attachment, I will Start with Chrissy who I believe best represents a secure attachment style.

Both of these ladies played Chrissy in the movie.

In a world where movies are a way to receive entertainment and to educate, it seems fitting to use it as a way to display the many different ways individuals learn to attach to one another. Whether it is through parents, significant others, or friends, each individual attaches through a unique process. Although the goal is to achieve a secure relationship, working towards this is not always easy and requires the individual to travel back in time to examine their first attachment relationship. In the movie Now and Then, four teenage girls spend a summer chasing their dream goal of a tree house while also dealing with the difficulties of growing up, learning the truth about life, and facing their relationships with their parents. The movie brings to life each attachment style of the teen girls and provides an opportunity to learn the importance of understanding the way an individual attaches and how it continues to impact them in the future.

Chrissy

            Chrissy was raised as an only child with parents who are still married to this day. Her mother always encouraged her to come to her and discuss anything that came up. Because of Chrissy’s friend group choice, her mother chose to prepare her for topics about sex, drugs, and peer pressure in order to help her learn it in a kind manner rather than vulgar manner from her friends. Although Chrissy struggled with her weight, her mother and father helped her keep a positive image about herself. They wanted her to blossom into the person she desired to be and to learn she is beautiful no matter what shape or size she was.

            While the rest of Chrissy’s friends had difficulty expressing their feelings, Chrissy felt she could freely open up and be honest about what was going on inside of her. Chrissy describes her relationship with parents as being in-sync with each other. She discusses how she felt what she did meant something to them and that they desired to be in relationship with her. In moments of difficulty or chaos, Chrissy keeps the motto that things will work out for the best and feels like she has a good handle on her life.

            Chrissy has entered into therapy as she is preparing to become a mother for the first time. She expresses a desire to want to create the same relationship she has with her mother with her soon to be baby girl. Chrissy has seen how not all relationships turn out the way hers did with her parents. The friends Chrissy involved herself with had what she calls difficult up-bringing’s and relationships with their parents filled with turmoil. Chrissy has a desire to prevent that kind of relationship with her daughter and wants to educate herself on ways she can work towards providing a secure base for her infant that she keeps reading about.

Clinical Approaches for Chrissy

            Chrissy’s therapist is excited that she is being pro-active in learning about secure attachments and fot the relationship she has with her parents. To her therapist, Chrissy grew up with parents who focused on creating a secure base for her. This secure base allowed Chrissy to communicate with them openly, feel safe, and trust them (Costello, 2013, p. 9). While the therapist has a desire to compliment her parents success in creating a secure attachment, she also wants Chrissy to not focus on this idea of perfection she keeps describing.

            One area the therapist would like Chrissy to explore is the moments where Chrissy did not always have cohesion with her parents. The intention here is not remind Chrissy of bad memories, but to challenge her to see the assumptions she makes for a secure relationship (Holmes, 2001, p. 17). Chrissy wants to be the perfect wife and perfect mother and although this is a great goal, her therapist would like her to learn that even perfect mother’s and wives make mistakes. The hope is that Chrissy will allow room for grace in her relationship with her daughter and to see mistakes as a part of the motherhood process, not as a detriment to her child.

            Another area the therapist would like to look at is Chrissy’s self-esteem. Chrissy’s therapist is concerned that her self-esteem is relying on her marriage and family life. Part of the observation of self-esteem is to teach Chrissy the importance of allowing her daughter to create a balanced self-esteem in life. This balanced self-esteem is not dependent on external validation, but can be open to it (Holmes, 2001, p. 10). In teaching this to Chrissy, the therapist hopes Chrissy will remember the importance of allowing her daughter to pursue a healthy self-esteem. The therapist also hopes it will remind Chrissy that her self-esteem can partly come from her marriage and family, but most importantly it should come from herself.

            While the therapist thinks Chrissy has an advantage of creating a secure relationship with her daughter, she also wants Chrissy to explore what it would mean if that did not happen. She wants Chrissy to discuss the feelings driving her desire, the fears that drive it, and what she thinks will happen to her daughter if a secure attachment does not arise. The hope is the Chrissy can put words to some of the ideas she has played out in her head and to allow her space to feel free to share them. Because of Chrissy’s focus on perfection, her therapist thinks she is hiding a lot of feelings and thoughts that do not seem like perfection.

            Continuing to ask Chrissy to explore more about herself, her family of origin, and her relationship with her husband is a goal to help Chrissy stay in touch with herself. If Chrissy can be open about herself, her therapist believes she will create space for her daughter to do the same. The therapist also wants Chrissy to practice creating a secure relationship in the therapeutic environment. Practicing it in the sessions allows Chrissy to make mistakes and be more open to the moments she may do this with her daughter. Overall, the therapist believes psycho-education and practicing will benefit Chrissy immensely along with continual exploration of who she is as an individual. 

Please ask questions! I am not expert but I can at least point you into some good areas!

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Avoiding Paper Writing

So I have this 3 page paper I am supposed to be writing right now and I just have no desire to do it. I've got 5 weeks of school left and I have been working hard. There is something about this paper though that I do not even want to do. I do not want to do it so bad that I contemplated not doing it at all and taking a zero. Now, will I do that? No, of course not because I am better than that.

I will tell you what I am excited about at the moment though.

1.) I started Christmas shopping early and I have gotten some great deals. The besties are done, the little brother, the nephew, the niece, the mother-boyfriend-in-law. Pretty much they are the easiest to shop for so I should not be giving myself too much credit. I still have to shop for the hardest people which I am not looking forward to at all.

2.) My bestie from L.A. is coming to visit in two weeks. When you live in Washington, it's ridiculously expensive for people to come see you. I am not sure why, but since living here I have not had many visitors. I am so excited to spend a few days with her since we haven't seen each other since February. And the best part is she is bringing her boy-toy or boyfriend, whichever you prefer to call it.

3.) There are only 5 weeks of the semester left. A break is in the near future and I am still two-weeks ahead of the schedule which hopefully means I'll be done with everything at the beginning of the semester.

4.) The Holiday season is upon us which means my job will pick up again. For the last two months its been ridiculously slow so money has been minimal in my life. I am thankful for the next month and a half to work hard and start to save again.

5.) I started paying off my lowest student loan in January this year. It was around $6,000 and I am just under $2,000. I don't know about you, but that's pretty impressive to me. I'd like to have it all paid off by the end of December. I know that's a pretty steep goal, but I'm hoping with the holiday work hours and Christmas money that I may just be able to do it. I still have a larger loan to pay off, but making it to just one loan is so exciting! Maybe if I win some of these giveaways, I can get there. Fingers crossed!

What are you procrastinating on and looking forward to?

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2nd Year of Graduate School

In two weeks, I will be engaging in my second year of graduate school. 

Originally, I was on the 3 year track, but I recently switched to the 4 year track to allow myself more space and time to intake all that I am learning.

I though ya'll may be interested in the classes I am taking this semester. So here we go:

I'm taking 8 credits which equals out to four classes. It will be the lightest load I've taken since I have taken 9 credits each semester last year.

Human Growth: The Interpersonal and Narrative Journey

-This is similar to a human growth and development class. 

"This course covers human development from an interpersonal perspective, which includes neurological, psychological, 

and faith development from conception to death. Particular emphasis is placed on the significance of attachment, and 

the roles of affect regulation and mentalization in facilitating secure development."

Excitement factor (out of 10): 5--mainly because I've taken a class similar to this and am nervous it could be repetitive. 

Learning Factor: 10--this is directly associated with my career and will be very helpful to understand in my field.

Sexual Disorders

"The student will receive an overview of the theological, physiological, psychological, and sociological perspectives on 

human sexuality and consider how these perspectives impact sexual identity, sexual behavior, and sexual disorders."

Excitement Factor: 8--I've been reading one of the assigned books for this class to get a head start and it's very interesting. Very much focused on how the mind plays a part into our sexual attractions, love, and physicality.

Learning Factor: 10--It's a brand new course to me so I am excited to learn an area I do not know much about.

Theology 1: Constructing the Theological Mosaic-God, Humanity, and Christ

"This course is the first of a two-part exploration in constructing, confessing and affirming anew the central doctrinal 

vision of the Christian faith. We refer to this as the theological mosaic because in essence this is not a monochrome 

belief system but a rich tapestry of different historical, cultural and biblical insights that show us how to integrate text, 

soul and culture. In this way we hope to appropriate the great traditions of the Christian church and construct a faith 

that is equally meaningful and resourceful to Christian vocation, ministry and discipleship in our contemporary global 

contexts."

Excitement Factor: 0--Is that bad? I just really do not like theology classes. Not my cup of tea.

Learning Factor: 3--I'm sure I'll learn a lot, but I'm not interested in learning this.

Special Topics: Marriage Counseling

-Unfortunately, there is no course description available for this course. Yes, I do not know what I am really getting myself into except for the fact this is the path of psychology I've always talked about going into. 

Excitement Factor: 10--It's an elective so it's not required for me to take it which means I really want to take it.

Learning Factor: 10--The professor taught my marriage and family therapy class and I learned a lot through that class. He has his own marriage counseling firm so he knows a lot.

My goal for the next two weeks and to actually relax before I throw myself into lots of studying and reading. Anybody have suggestions for me on how to relax because I'm apparently not good at it.

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Remember that time I said I was quitting school?

So a month or two ago I wrote about how I wanted to take some time off from school.

Well...guess who changed her mind again?

Shocking, right?

I sometimes make a big decision a little too quickly and then tell the whole world about it.

Pretty common for 20 year old's I think.

After spending weeks applying for jobs, I only had one interview scheduled with a college that I ended up cancelling because of the horrible job reviews I read about.

Plus, I cancelled because at that point I decided I should finish graduate school.

Here is my thought process.

1.) I don't want to be called a quitter. I always said I wanted to finish graduate school and I am going to.

2.) I've devoted a whole year to this program and I do not want to start over. It was a hard first year and it should not be wasted.

3.) In order to decrease the stress and the mundane-ness I was experiencing, I am moving to a four year track. This means I will graduate in June 2017. It also means an average of 5 credits per semester except for this coming fall which will still be a 9 credit semester because of two classes I want to take. 

4.) I can work more with this schedule as well and will be done with school in April of 2017 allowing me two months to search for a job before my graduation ceremony.

This is probably what I should have done all along, but sometimes you have to realize it yourself. Everyone surrounding me wanted me to finish school and adding on a year for it does not change the fact that I will complete it.

So thank you to all who sent warm thoughts and prayer my way. I believe I received them and very much appreciated it.

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Oh Seattle

Yeah, yeah I've been missing for a while, but I am not sorry.

I'm busy with life and school and everything else.

Who knew I'd put this blog to the side because living life is so much fun?

Just thought I'd catch you up on what I've been thankful for.

1.) Birthday Spoiling. 

My man and his family thoroughly spoiled me this weekend. Great gifts, lavish dinner, and jumping around was the best. So thankful to have another family to celebrate with while away from my own. 

2.) Reusable Starbucks Cup

This sucker was a gift for my birthday and saves me 10 cents every time I use it. Plus I feel like an Eco-friendly person. So double woo!

3.) Vacation!

That's right! I'm getting on a plane to L.A. to visit one of my besties and then jumping on a cruise to Mexico for a week. I give you permission to be jealous. I am sure I'll be jealous of you someday.

4.) Spring Like Winter Days

Today has been so beautiful. It was even warm enough to walk outside without a coat on, but I still wore a sweater. I also love that my school is right on the water with an awesome view of the mountains.

5.) School

Yeah, it's hard work, but I think I am finally glad I stuck with it. I am passionate about this work and whether I become a counselor afterwards or not is not of importance at the moment.

What are you loving about life?

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Integration of Faith and Career

If you did not know, I am going to graduate school to receive my masters in Counseling Psychology. I am also attending a school that integrates faith into my classes. I have had a lot of questions on why this is important to me and today in class I realized why. 

If I did not believe in the Resurrection of Jesus, then I could not be a counselor. 

Now I am not saying you can only counsel people if you believe in God. I am saying that I could not counsel people if I did not believe in God.

I realize that as a counselor I have to believe my clients can die to their habits, tragedy, issues, whatever you want to call it. And then I need to believe they can rise again from death. 

If you are not tracking with me, then I am sorry. Putting this idea to words is difficult.

To make more sense I will give you an example from my life:

My first few weeks in Seattle were more difficult than I expected. I did not realize until lately that I had entered into depression and it was taking me to my grave. It seeped into every aspect of my life and I lost a little bit of who I was. Then one day the depression ended-it entered its death and I rose again back to the person I remember. 

The Resurrection story is so important to my career. 

I'm curious on how faith is integrated into your own career.

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Becoming more Me

 

 

The beauty of the Seattle school is its attendees have beautiful wording.

I have a mentor at the school who has been emailing me about what is to come and answering questions I have regarding the school. My mentor replied the other day with this beautiful poem and encouragement.

 

The Journey, by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew 
what you had to do, and began, 
though the voices around you 
kept shouting 
their bad advice—
though the whole house 
began to tremble 
and you felt the old tug 
at your ankles. 
"Mend my life!" 
each voice cried. 
But you didn't stop. 
You knew what you had to do, 
though the wind pried 
with its stiff fingers 
at the very foundations, 
though their melancholy 
was terrible. 
It was already late 
enough, and a wild night, 
and the road full of fallen 
branches and stones. 
But little by little, 
as you left their voices behind, 
the stars began to burn 
through the sheets of clouds, 
and there was a new voice 
which you slowly 
recognized as your own, 
that kept you company 
as you strode deeper and deeper 
into the world 
determined to do 
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Peace to you, Rachel. You are taking a step to becoming more you, and I am glad. 

 

I almost cried reading this because I knew I will be experiencing many of the emotions that the poem describes. Everyone I have talked to describes the first year as one of many changes, disturbances, and an unraveling of sorts. That sounds terrifying, right?

 

Even though it scares the crap out of me, I am so ready for it. I am ready to face the first year and see what becomes of me after a year. I already feel myself becoming more of me, but I know this time next year I will be even more of the individual I want to be and should be. Great journeys are to come; I hope you continue to follow me on it.



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