Unsaid words. #2

This unsaid words post is dedicated to those guys I spent time with or missed an opportunity with.

1.) Let's be honest. We didn't really have a relationship, did we? Our couple of months together was based on texting and trying to sneak around but thanks to God's protection it never happened. While you may have been the first boy I considered dating, I do not think you treated me right. We should have just stayed friends, but of course our teenage desires created more than friendship.

2.) I actually thought I was going to marry you, but I think that is exactly why I ended things with you. You were always two steps ahead of me and I was always four steps behind that. We also ruined an awesome friendship, but I guess that is what taking risks is all about. Thanks to you I found out that you really can fall in love with someone and run away from it, but it is something all girls will go through, right?

3.) I have no idea what I was even thinking when I crossed paths with you again. For some reason I always have to go back for seconds? While I think we both had a part in everything that happened, I think I was the most honest all along. Thanks for showing me that I really need a guy who is upfront about everything.

Through all of these encounters and relationships I have learned so much. I've learned that I really want a special guy in my life, but first I need to learn how to enjoy being by myself and making myself feel special. I have learned the value of finding a guy who has strong morals and beliefs in God. Dating is not fun for those whose hearts connect easily to others and that I would much rather be the fifth wheel than date someone to be apart of the group. While I am back and forth all the time about guys and singleness, I do know that this journey is hard, but worth all of it. Whoever God is preparing for me is going to be some fantastic guy who I cannot wait to give my heart to.

Workout #2

50 arm circles (both sides)

80 jumping jacks

100 crunches

40 twist crunches

30 arm dips

30 second planks x3

20 leg lifts

15 leg lunges (each side)

Punches

20 seconds of scissors

Arm workout to Lights by Ellie Goulding



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Unsaid Words

I like to spend a lot of time analyzing my past and trying to figure out the path's that have led me to where I am today. Last week, I was thinking about the words I never said in my past that I wish I could have said. As I was watching the Kardashians last night (yes, I know horrible show to fill my mind with, but I'm addicted), Kris was wanting to just get words that she never said off her chest so she wouldn't regret not saying them. While the way she handled her situation is not the way I want to handle mine, I do believe the power of voicing things you wish you could say or should have said so I am dedicating some blog posts to these "unsaid words."

My first is going to be to the Church that hurt me.

Sometimes I wish we could have had one more chance  to walk in those doors and warn you of the person He really is. I don't think you would have listened, but I wish you could hear our side of the story. I wish you sympathized with us and were better friends. We were not the people in the wrong in this situation and I think you all know that. I wish you would still look at me and at least smile when you see me, my brother, mom or dad out in public and stop pretending that you do not know us; it just hurts us more. I really wish you all would have just apologized for the words spoken behind our backs and for your disbelief in my dad. He is a good man and I believe you all know that. Church is supposed to be a family and you were not our family in that time. You let us down, do you see that? Didn't you see how much I needed all of you?

To you in particular, are you happy now? Was it worth all the power you got for such a little time? Are you sorry for any of it; would you take it back? I have felt so betrayed and have lost my trust in the church because of you. My faith was rocked and I almost gave up the faith completely because of you. Sure, I am the only one that control my actions and choices, but don't you see how your actions can push me in that direction? Will you ever apologize and ask for our forgiveness. I have forgiven you over and over again, and I realize I have never completely forgiven you, but I am trying. Are you trying at all to be forgiven or do you still think your actions were right?

We are still here; we never left. The least all of you could do is acknowledge our presence and remember the life we dedicated to that church and to you.

I know those unsaid words may be kind of harsh, but they have been kept inside for a while. I know I used a lot of "you" statements which you are not supposed to do, but it's how I have felt. I encourage you all to write out those unsaid words, it can be liberating just to get them out without actually saying them to the culprit.

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