To jump or Not.

Wow, it's been a minute since being here. 

There have been many times I've been overcome with the desire to write and then life takes over and I forget the brilliant idea I had.

Coming back to this space is both interesting, weird, and satisfying.

I am in some ways still the person who began this blog and in so many other ways nothing like the girl who started this years ago. 

I've gotten married, I've started new jobs, I've grown my clinical mind and I've changed.

Change has always been hard for me. 

It's been exciting and inspiring and terrifying and anxiety provoking.

I've recently began a new change of beginning a job with a group therapy practice.

One day a week while also balancing the 3 other jobs I have.

1 day a week at a restaurant, 4 days at a mental health agency, 1 day at a group practice and 1 day at my private practice.

Yeah, a lot has changed in a year. 

Lately with all this change I have had the thought of jumping full time into the group practice and dropping the other 3 jobs. 

I'm constantly switching back and forth from jumping to not jumping.

I woke up ready to jump this morning and now as I type this I'm not ready to jump. 

Fluctuating through these states have shown me how much fear I have and how much I want to feel smart with my decisions. 

I have prayed lots, I have thought lots, and I have created numerous plans for the next few months.

I so badly want to be the girl who loves risk, adventure, and impromptu decision making.

And I want to be smart, frugal, and safe.

Balancing these differing thoughts, ideas and personality makes for a crazy making Rachel at times. 

But the reality is I can be both risky and smart. 

I can want both these parts and welcome each of them.

Maybe it doesn't mean I'll take the jump and quit 3 jobs for 1 and maybe it means I will.

But I welcome the balancing act of my desires, hopes and dreams.

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An Ending Oh So Sweet!

I began blogging years ago as an outlet to share my heart and thoughts.

Then it progressed into being the way I shared my journey as a summer camp counselor with family. And eventually, it began to be the way I communicate with friends and family during my adventure through graduate school. 

If you have not noticed, I have been M.I.A. for the past year. I have been working through school, balancing an internship and a job, and planning a wedding. And the time has come to an end for my graduate school journey. At 5:00 p.m. on Wednesday April 12th, 2017 I will official be a graduate student with a degree in Counseling Psychology. 

It's hard to believe the day is finally here. I was supposed to graduate last year, but after flying through the first year of school I decided I wanted to slow down and be able to enjoy all I had been learning and set myself up for the last year of school which revolves around internship. While it would have been nice to have a year of master's work under my belt by now, I would never change my decision for adding on a fourth year. 

This year has been unbelievable in what I have been able to achieve, learn, and discover. I gained confidence in my counseling ability. I grew my clinical mind and am actually able to see symptoms to help diagnose and build a treatment plan. And I have learned what it means to love your clients and to have desire for them to overcome and achieve all they have ever wanted. 

And while it's been unbelievable, it has also been so hard. I have been exhausted, confused, conflicted, tired, weepy, sad, angry, frustrated, annoyed, and any other emotion you can think of. Balancing school, work, and internship has not been easy. I have had to sacrifice time with my fiance in order to pay bills, meet my hours, and do school assignments. I have had to have little to no social life because I need as much relaxation time as I can get. I have gave a lot of myself and had to learn boundaries. 

The ending is so sweet because it's been hard and well deserved. 

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It's been a while...

Wow! It has been over six months since I have blogged 

and so much has happened since then.

I took a step back for a while because I lost my passion to come to this space.

I was constantly searching for something to talk about and how I would find the time to write and so I decided to leave for a bit.

I am not sure if I am returning for good or not, but it feels good to just put an update here so maybe I can look back at later on in life.

So what's new?

We bought a house!

And we've been living in it for about 4 and half months now. 

We have yet to really decorate, but we love it.

It is so nice to have our own space and start to build our life together.

But it sure is a lot of work to maintain it.

I have started my last year of graduate school!!

I cannot believe it is finally here.

In about 7 months I will officially be done with my Master's and hopefully starting my future career and passion.

It has been a long journey to get here and I am so excited to be working in my internship and learning more about my practice.

We are less than a year away from our wedding!

We've been engaged for a year and a half and will be celebrating 3 years together this month.

It's crazy to think Brad has been a part of my whole Washington journey

 but I am so grateful to have him by my side and to finally get to marry him.

We already feel married but it will be fun to make our commitment to each other in front of our family and friends!

This year will be busy one and I am ready for it!

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2016: Goals and Aspirations

It's a new year and it's an even numbered one!

I love even numbers and I feel that 2016 is going to bring great rewards, many challenges, and lots of joy.

I start my internship this year and with that brings up a lot of anxiety within me. I want to learn how to trust myself this year, to be grounded in who I am, and to believe that I am capable and worthy of this work I have been pursuing.

In this past year, I worked really hard to save my money so I could start paying for school out of pocket. When I started, I thought it was impossible but I was wrong. I was able to save $10,000 this year and I only need $2,000 more to pay for my last year of schooling completely out of pocket. Accomplishing this goal has inspired me to continue to save. I will be taking a pay cut this year, but I also know that I am in a place where I do not need more. I love to clothes shop, treat myself to a Starbucks, and shop the dollar section at target. And while I will miss doing those things, my goal is to live simpler and save more. My closet is full, my heart is whole, and I don't need much. My goal for saving this year is to continue to save around $500/month. I have not decide if this will go towards my wedding, my future house, or to apply to my current student loan debt, but either way the money will go to where it is needed most.

I am going to use this formula to help save my money!

And my final goal for this year is my health. I truly felt the benefit of taking care of my health this year and I want to try even harder to meet my healthy goals. More fruits and vegetables, working out at least 30 minutes four times a week, and listening to my body when it is fully, dehydrated, or in pain. While I would love to loose weight, my main goal is to just be healthy and be more conscious of what my body is saying to me.

What are your goals for 2016?

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The Green Cup

Sometimes I wonder why it is so hard for me to share the stuff I discover and learn while I am in Grad School, and other times I know why I don't. 

What my school calls me and my fellow classmates to do is super hard.

We are asked to explore until we reach our depths and then dig even deeper.

Sometimes we have vulnerability hangovers and we wonder if another cup of coffee will help us overcome it.

We are doing hard work; very, very, very hard work.

And while we are doing this work we see all the work that other people are not working on.

And sometimes it is sad to watch, other times anger inducing, and other times laughable because I'm paying to do this and then getting frustrated that others are not.

And then on top of all of this, we sometimes find the urge to share what we are learning with others which is why I am here today.

In class we started talking about a green cup.

Now this green cup is not real, but we all believe it is.

Lost, yet? Okay, let me explain.

The green cup is you or me or any human being in the world.

Then there is a white cup and that's also you or me or any human being in the world.

But the thing with the green cup is that it's not really you or me or any human being in the world. The green cup is the you or me or any human being in the world that has been created in our mind by others.

So the green cup is when you think you're being kind to your best friend telling her that her ex is a total loser and then she yells at you for being un-supportive and mean because you don't respond the way she wants you to. The green cup now tells you you're a mean person while the white cup says you are a kind person.

Or the green cup is when you say no to the 15th event you have been invited to this month because you cannot handle anymore events and everyone says you are being so selfish for putting yourself first. The green cup now tells you that you are a selfish person while the white cup says you know your limit.

And the crazy thing is that we convince ourselves the green cup is really who we are when in all reality we are the white cup.

Okay, you all probably think I'm crazy by now, but think about it.

Why is it so easy to believe that the green cup is reality?

Why do we choose to put others ideas of who we are above our own opinions of ourselves?

In my school, we are being called to question the white and green cup constantly.

We are asked to explore what is truth and what is reality and what is not.

We are called to trust ourselves, to believe in ourselves, and to give ourselves grace in the midst of the chaos that is created when deciding if you are the green cup or the white cup.

It is much easier for me to see the white cup in others, especially those I care most about.

It is easier for me to see their goodness above their occasional badness.

It is easier to see their beauty even if they see ugly.

But it is much harder for me to see my own beauty and goodness.

We are beautiful and we are good and we are the white cup.

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Is this thing on?

You know how there are some people who remember quotes from movies that are not easily discriminated from other movies? Well who of you know which song lyric am I quoting in my heading for this post?

Anybody?!

It's Britney Spears "I love Rock n' Roll" in case you didn't know.

And if you did, why aren't we best friends already?

You get me!

Anyways I just wanted to say hi!

I realize I've been MIA lately and it's simply because school ends next Monday.

I was only in two classes this term compared to four classes last fall and it was still a doozy and I didn't even study for finals.

I'm not really sure what happened between the 1st of November to now, but I'm here and I'm still breathing.

And just in case I go MIA for the month of December because I'm traveling home for ten days, searching for a new job, and ending a job, well...

Happy Christmas from me and my man!

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Ideal Workspace

With the house searching for my future Husband and I coming up in the next year,  I have been dreaming of the ways to decorate a new house.

One of the spaces I am getting excited to decorate and design is a space for budgeting, homework, research, etc. 

I have wanted to construct my own office space forever especially since the last few years it has always been a traveling one.

I am counting down the days until I have an office space that stays in one place and that is so me.

Because I have no idea what kind of space our future home will have, I have a lot of different ideas for creating my ideal work space.

1.| Window Space

I think a great window space would be so lovely. There's something about having time to zone off to the outside for a little motivation during your work break that sounds so refreshing.

2.| For Colors: Black and Gold

I won't lie, I love glitter. Black is simple and gold/glitter gives it the unique space that I feel would keep me working for hours.

3.| Putting it all Together!

workspace by racheljones-ii featuring circular shades

Circular shades
kirklands.com

Lining curtain
$76 - thehut.com

Ankit white home decor
nordstrom.com

Gold framed wall art
$215 - superette.co.nz

Altra l shaped shelve
overstock.com

Button tufted chair
jcpenney.com

Regina Andrew Design circular end table
laylagrayce.com

Implementing my colors and window desire these are the items I would use to spruce up the space. A comfy chair in the corner when I needed to take a break from work, a sweet light design to give the space some uniqueness, curtains to block out the outside distraction sometimes, wall art for cuteness, a glass side table for resting my coffee or books that I am reading, and finally a corner wrap desk for all the space I tend to take up.

Someday I will most likely also need my own professional work space for my counseling sessions. WeWork offers shared office spaces for freelancers, business owners, startup's, etc. They are located in multiple big cities and I am sure will continue to grow and spread into even more. I will definitely be considering WeWork when I begin the search of office space and will continue to use them in my inspiration of my at home work space as well.

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