Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Today was a great time with my family. After flying all day Tuesday, I was so grateful to be home and get to see all the people I love and continually miss. The celebrating and time together is still to continue and I plan to do it.
I went on a walk this afternoon to walk off some of the delicious food I ate and I was reminded of Christmas 2010. I have talked about this event multiple times on here, but I have a different perspective this year on it.
December 26, 2010 brought some horrible news for our family. My dad was told to pack up his stuff and leave the job he loved. He was asked to leave his passion. It was difficult and hard, but we chose to be positive and see the good.
For me that did not last long. I tried reading the bible, I tried praying, and I tried to see the good to come, but it was hard. Instead, I wrapped myself up in all the hurt and anger I felt. And the hurt was too much for me so I found a way to get away from all that reminded me of the hurt and anger I felt.
My getaway was Washington and it was good for me.
Today I still struggle with the hurt and anger.
I see the people who we used to consider family and I cannot even think good thoughts of them.
I watch my dad pursue his passion and get angry at God for letting another person take some of that joy away.
I'm human and I am allowed to be human and experience these waves of anger and hurt.
But as I walked today I reminded myself that I can forgive and accept, but I do not have to forget. We grow up hearing we should forgive and forget, but I think that does not always work. If you have to try and forget, can you say you really have forgiven?
I am choosing to forgive and accept. I cannot forget what has happened to my family because it has shaped who we are today. But I do accept that it happened and that it is in the past.
And I have forgiven. Some days I have to forgive again, but forgiveness is not a one and done process; it's an ongoing process.
As the new year comes, I see all that I am grateful for and see all the blessings that have been put in place since 2010. I found a refuge place that turned into a home. I've been granted multiple opportunity to grow and change. I had the opportunity to understand the importance of having a family that goes through tough times together and does not fall apart from each other.
There is much to be thankful for and to continue to cherish.
So here's to acceptance and to change and to gratefulness for the future and the past.
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