Deep Question Time

Here's some questions I just feel I need to ask myself and by answering them on here allows me to go back and re-visit them, but also pushes me to look deeper into them.

What am I doing with my life?

I know some of the decisions I have made lately have been childish and purely selfish. I know it's wrong and that it does not better me at all; I also know this is something I am probably going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I know I need to stop and stand strong and stop giving in. I know what's right, but it's hard to do what's right sometimes. Sometimes what is wrong feels good and feels better than what is right. Sometimes the right leaves us lonely and having to try hard and sometimes I just do not have the strength to do that. And sometimes the ghosts that haunt us seem to pop up when they know you are at your weakest. Sometimes I may be at my weakest, but I can say no, but sometimes I give in. I can see the big picture and I know I am working towards something greater than this moment, but the small picture is so much harder for me to see sometimes. 

So what are you going to do?

Keep trying? Is that too cliche to say? Does it even mean anything any more since I keep coming back from where I am trying to get away from? I know if I ask someone else that they will say you can always start over and over and over...but is there not a place you get to where starting over really means you don't start over? Am I making sense? I don't know what I am going to do. All I know is that whatever I have been doing is not working and that I need a new game plan.

What's holding you down?

Guilt, shame, embarrassment, hurt, confusion, sin, desires, self-esteem, and so much more. That big word shame really gets me. It is just not easy to shake off.

What's keeping you going?

Love, a new beginning, God, friends, family, school, life in general. The big picture is my motivation.

So what's next?

Starting over, again. Getting stronger, again. Being honest, again. Trusting, again. Repeating the process, again with new ideas to help fight the dark place I can get in sometimes.

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Homecoming for the last time

 This is what my weekend consisted of: Lots of baby Aleena time!

 Making memories with some new friends.

 Annual homecoming game with some of my favorite people.

And the 3 best friends that anyone can have...and a baby.

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Preparing for the Future

My life as of lately has consisted so much of applying for Grad schools and studying hard to boost my G.P.A. for resumes along with getting involved in school and living up my senior year.

I find myself in class thinking about what's to come so often. I am a futuristic person and am always looking ahead, but sometimes I forget the big man up-stairs and the path he is paving for me.

Today I remembered Him and thought about what he could be doing. I have had lots of conversations with people about Seattle and I really do hope he is making that part of my path.

I realized I knew to prepare myself for the no that could come from the school, but it is a desire of my heart that it is hard for me to see if that could actually happen. 

All I know is that there are great works being prepared for me and I am trying to remember daily that I am in God's hands and he is for me.

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The Power of a Song

Have you ever heard a song that spoke so much truth...to you?

 

I was just working on my homework trying to find some new music to listen to and encountered this song.

 

I was gonna marry you

 

My heart tugged and reminded me of how I have felt these thoughts before.

 

I spoke to a friends this week about relationships and the idea of how it takes lots of time to get over someone you care deeply for. Someone once told me it takes as long as you had a relationship with the person to get over them. I am not sure if this is just the dating relationship or the entire relationship in its whole, but if its true, that is a lot of time.

And then I thought about how it has taken some of my friends time or big events to get over someone, but with even that we can never simply say we are over them for we will forever carry them with us.

 

One friend had to get pregnant to move on from the relationship.

 

One friend had to practice being single and secure in her self to get over her relationship.

 

I needed him to get married to finally move on.

 

We are relational beings and place so much on the relationships in our lives. If you are in the shoes of a recent break-up or still trying to move on from a relationship, I am here to let you know you are not alone. We have all been there and some of us are still there.

 

The memory may always stay, but you will find someone new and eventually the person for you.

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Pinterest!

Last year during this time, I was introduced to the world of Pinterest and spent way too much time on the sight. This year, I still love it, but find myself never having enough time to spend the hours upon hours I used to spend. In celebration of my rough day yesterday, here is some pins I have loved this week.

Travel

Someday I will make it here!

Dream boots 

I am pretty sure I would wear these everyday if I owned them.

Target  

If you know me, you know I have a target addiction and this will help with shopping so much!

Encouragement 

Wow, this quote means so much to me in my life right now. I spent all of last week being bitter about an event in my life and even though I was busy, I was constantly criticizing others. What a great quote to encourage me improve myself and stop wasting time criticizing others. 

Chocolate cups 

 I want to make these now!

Mini Pumpkin Pies 

 Thanksgiving means Pumpkin Pie which means I am a happy girl. I wouldn't mind having these lay around the house.

 

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Rainy Mornings

You know the saying, "When it rains it pours?" 

Well, that is the title of my life this week.

My computer decided to call it quits for its 17th + time the other night because it hates charging thanks to my clumsiness of dropping it on its side three years ago. 

My android fell while I was listening to music in the bathroom and part of the screen cracked which now means it will not sense my touch on one half of the screen.

I completely struggled with a homework assignment that ended with a not so pretty word on my behalf.

I tried to be a great daughter and buy my mom an awesome birthday gift, but realized I did not read the fine print and now hate the gift I got her for her birthday.

It is pouring today when I took the time to straighten my hair last night which means hello frizzy, wavy, ridiculous hair.

It really does pour when it rains. I spent the morning calling myself stupid and being so angry at myself and life.

After spending twenty minutes beating myself up for my clumsiness and lack of gracefulness, I quickly sobered up and reminded myself that I have way too much to be thankful for.

I am grateful my parents continue to buy me electronics even though they know I will most likely break them in the long run.

I am grateful for rainy days to water this beautiful place I call home.

I am grateful for bad hair days because it reminds me that my worth does not come from my beauty, but from God.

I am grateful I had money to buy my mom a birthday present this year even if it may not be the best gift in the world.

I am grateful for not always being the perfect Christian and that God still loves me through it all the bad words that come out of my mouth.

I am grateful to realized I can get through life without electronics.

I am grateful for the friends who continue to encourage me through my rough weeks and temper tantrums.

I am grateful to be alive and breathing for another day.

We have so much to be grateful for.

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Blessings and Sufferings #4

So these last couple of weeks have been crazy!

School has started and we are into week 3! Week 3! It flew by so fast, but here's what I am thankful and struggling with over the last couple of weeks. 

Struggles

I cannot seem to get my mind to wrap around school mode. It is slowly adjusting and it makes me spend very late nights in the library or on campus

I guess I have been stressed so my face keeps breaking out in the same place; it's not horrible, but I am a girl who never had breakouts or acne so when one little breakout occurs, it is the end of the world for me.

I have realized how bad I am about over comitting myself to stuff; I need some serious prayer that I can learn to say no to stuff I cannot handle.

 Blessings

My little nephew keeps getting cuter and cuter; the little cuteness just has the prettiest eyes and the coolest hair. Being at school away from him kind of sucks, but still grateful to have in our family.

My parents celebrate 25 years of marriage this week which included a fun surprise party for them this past weekend. They are such great models of a realistic marriage and I hope to have a marriage similar to theirs some day.

Baby Aleena comes to visit us at school every so often and she is too cute. I love being 3 amigo's plus a gorgeous baby. 
In just over a month, I will be back in the gorgeous state of Washington visiting some dearly missed plans and hopefully paving a way for my future. I just need a plane ticket and a little more money now.


If you are a worship leader or love true advice from fellow Christians, check out this book my dad and his best friend just finished. So proud of him and all he has done. It's only $11 and totally worth it!
http://www.worshipleadertoolkit.com/  

 

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