The Power of Words

I was thinking today about the power our words have and some phrases that can make all the difference. I have had a lot of truth spoken into me lately and it's not always easy to hear. And I started to think about the words that occur in most of our lives that can be life-changing.

"I love you."

Love is that thing we are always searching, striving, and desiring for/of. Hearing the words from a mother, father, friend, lover, husband, etc. can make all the difference in your day. And it's amazing what saying that phrase can communicate to someone. I think of those words and what they mean to me: that I am cared for, that I am appreciated, that I am wanted/needed, that I am loved.

"I'm sorry."

Saying this is probably the hardest phrase I know to say, but I know the value of it. To admit your wrong and to truly want forgiveness is powerful. And to have the strength to say this to someone takes a lot of humbling.

"I forgive you."

I know I have said this so many times, but I do not always mean it. To actually let go of a transgression against me takes a lot of work. This is a phrase that is much more of an action than a statement. To forgive asks you to let go of what was done against you and to not return to it. Easier said then done.

What are some words or phrases that are powerful for you?

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The Gift of Tears

I read a chapter from a book by Alan Jones about The Gift of Tears and it has truly gave grace to my tears. Here are some quotes I took from the reading.  

"Crying is a natural phenomenon and the withholding of tears appears to be dangerous to health"

-NY Times

"Whoever can weep over himself for one hour is greater than the one who is able to teach the whole world."

-Issac of Ninve

"Tears are a gift. Tears flow when the real source of our life is uncovered, when the mask of pretense is dropped, when our strategies of self-deception are abandoned."

"Christianity claims that nothing else matters, but love."

"The gift of tears has to do with both life and joy, for the sake of the restructuring of our identity, for the re-ordering of our self-understanding."

Could my tears be the connection to God?

"Tears also contribute to the building up of the kingdom of God."

"An unsatisfied desire which is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction. I call it joy."

-C.S. Lewis

"Learning to love without possession and finding that one is loved without condition is what it is to receive the gift of tears and to be surprised by joy."

"The gift of tears is a sign of the mending of creation."

"Tears are inevitable. Tears soften, clarify, and open."

"When the believer begins to see just how much she is loved, the tears flow."

"The soul is restored through tears."

"Tears are the means by which we have the chance to see things differently and be rescued from whatever little hell we may have chosen for ourselves."

"Our weeping is caused by the love of God."

"Tears give love a chance to happen."

"A face bathed with tears has an undying beauty."

"To know one is standing in the grace and love of God is what the gift of tears is all about."

I highly encourage everyone to read chapter 4 about the gift of tears. It is beautiful and if you are a crier, it brings beauty to your tears. 

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So did I tell you I have a boyfriend?

In case you did not know, I did some dating when I moved to Washington.

And by did some, I mean quite a few.

My first few weeks were plan-less and meeting new people sounded like fun so I took a risk and tried OkCupid! after a friend had suggested it.

To save my boo's identity a little bit, I will call him B*. 

B* and I started off texting and he asked me to hangout twice before I finally said yes the third time. We met at Red Robbin because I was craving myself some sweet potato fries. 

When he walked in, I was first shocked at how tall he was. I'm 5'2 and B* is at least 6'2. A giant compared to me. He also looked like a southern boy which you do not see many of them out here so I was instantly loving him. Did I mention he has red hair? Yeah, I was in heaven.

So dinner started and the boy sure knows how to talk. It was the most naturally flowing conversation and I loved it. It wasn't me having to do all the "get to know you" work. He actually wanted to get to know me. From dinner we went to Alki beach to grab some ice cream. I was freaking out about his awesome ride and I am sure he was just trying to get me to look up so he could see my face.

He drove me home like any gentleman would do and then met my roommate which proceeded to even more talking. Our second date did not go so well, but we won't go there. Thanks to his lovely mother who talked some sense into him, he gave me another chance and we've been pretty inseparable since. 

And here's why:

1.) The boy loves the laugh I make that I think would scare any man away. He keeps trying to get me to laugh like that again because he thinks its cute.

2.) He will race me to doors so that he can open them for me because he knows I sometimes am too independent to let him do it.

3.) He won't let me quit school even though some days I highly consider it.

4.) The boy talks! I mean he is really good at this and not in a bad way. He actually enters into deep conversations with me because he wants too. No teeth-pulling here.

5.) He acts like a southern boy all the time. I love it!

6.) Did I mention he has red hair? I am such a sucker for the red-heads. 

7.) I have cowgirl boots and he has a cowboy hat. Could we be any more perfect?

8.) The boy is honest to a T. Even if I don't ask, he is going to tell me. Yes, sometimes it shocks me but then I laugh and remind myself how nice it is to have someone so straight-forward like me.

I could go on and on, but I think that's enough sap for today.

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Love: My Life Theme

So for school this week, I had to write a paper called "The Tragedy Paper."

Yes, it is as terrifying as it sounds. Now, this post is not going to go into detail about that paper because it will take at least a year of counseling and probably three years of school before I feel comfortable talking about it.

I am going to talk about the theme of my life that I discovered from that paper.

It really was not too surprising for me, but the way it revolves around my entire life was. 

So the life theme for me is Love. 

Sounds great right?

Well, what I've learned from school is that love is a craving or a hunger that can never be fulfilled.

Once you get an ounce of it, you want another ounce, and another. 

Find love today and you will want even more love tomorrow.

It sounds like you'll never be satisfied, right?

And that's what I struggled with.

What if the love I got today is all I will get?

Can I be okay with that?

I feel like the obvious answer is no because I will always want more.

And then I thought about love in my relationships.

I seek it out, I perform tasks to receive, and I give much of myself to get more back.

It's a fuel that pushes me but also pulls me. 

I desire love and seek it out. I've been searching for it for a long time.

Yes, I have found it so many times, but I have also missed it so many times.

Writing this portion of my paper started to make me question the mission of being love in my life.

Why would I live out a life of love if it may never be enough?

And then I realized I would much rather live a life constantly craving love than a life that has no desire to find it.

What's your life theme and what does it say about you?

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360

It is crazy to think about where I was a year ago today.

I was in the midst of my last year at undergrad trying to figure out the next steps for my life.

This time last year I had just returned from Washington from my interview day and I was overwhelmed.

I had no idea if this is really what I wanted for my life.

Move across the country?

From family and friends?

From familiarity?

To say I was freaking out would be an understatement.

I was terrified.

Probably because I knew I would move across the country from everything I knew if I got a letter saying I was accepted.

And obviously, by now, you know I did just that.

I up and moved to this state I fell in love with.

The whole thing still blows my mind.

I am still stunned every time I see Mt. Rainier.

I am still shocked when I look at the weather forecast and see a week full of rain ahead of me.

I still have yet to wear my rain boots on the rainy days.

I still can't believe that I find myself at Starbucks frequently each week writing papers or doing readings for class.

It's just plain weird and what is even more weird is the I'm adjusted.

The idea of going home for Christmas for two weeks seems too long because it means being gone from my new home. (It's also difficult to pack for two weeks with two carry-on's!).

This is my home.

Anderson is home.

Greenwood is home.

Is it possible for the heart to have so many homes?

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The Girl in the Window Sill

She climbs onto the sill and sits looking out the window. 

She watches the people move about, the cars pass by, and sun-rise turn to sun-set. 

She sits thinking about all the possibilities in her life. 

What will I do when my time is done here?

Will this be my home forever?

What significant things will happen in the next three years?

She thinks about the past and how it has brought her to where she is today.

Because of him I learned how to move on.

Because of her I know what a true friend looks like.

Because of family, I have learned to how to love imperfect people.

And as she thinks her mind wanders in and out of many thoughts.

She catches herself sometimes and reminds herself to just breathe.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

As she breathes, she's reminded of the goodness.

The goodness of having another day to start again.

The goodness of community.

Of love.

Of faith.

Of hope.

And she finds herself happy.

--I was inspired to take a break from school and throw myself into writing. To write about this girl that I may wish was me or includes many parts of myself. Sometimes there is just beauty in being willing to enter into writing without having any idea where the words will flow.--

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MIA Blogger

So I realize I have been missing from the blogging world lately.

Yes, I have been writing a post every few weeks because that is all I can really handle in my life at the moment. School asks a lot of me and requires I do a lot of personal work which is not easy.

I spend most of my days just exhausted--sometimes its physically, other times mentally, and most of the time emotionally. When I think about writing a post, I just cannot even comprehend what to write about.

I guess I want to apologize, but I also do not want to. I think taking a break from blogging every day has been good. I read a quote today that said those who take time to write usually are more profound than those who find it easy to write. I am not saying those who have lots to say are not profound, but this is a quote that seems to be reflecting my life lately.

I write paper after paper and my words are becoming few. So many thoughts come out of my mind each week that it is sometimes too difficult to engage in anything else. I do want to say thank you to all of you though. Coming and reading your posts gives me a break from school and allows me to find rest. Most of the time it brings laughter and a smile to my face which I am so appreciative of. 

I am not sure if I will ever return to my "blog post every day" day's. For now, blogging when I feel truly inspired will have to be enough and I am okay with that.

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November Goals

It has been a while since I have done a monthly goal list.

Life has been so busy that it has been difficult to do much more than just breathe and survive. 

But I am finally in a routine and probably able to accomplish something.

1.) Be thankful--it is the month of thanks and I want to do a better job at expressing it this month.

2.) Save more, spend less--I am keeping track of all my expenses this month to see how much money I am wasting. It's November 4th and I've already spent a butt-load of money. Someone needs to get their act together.

3.) Spend time with those I love-- I finally live in near some of my favorite people and I have been doing a horrible job at seeing them.

4.) Live for the spontaneity of life--I want to get back into welcoming unexpected conversations, random adventures, and a life that is not always planned to the minute. 

5.) Come up with Christmas gift ideas for the family--can you believe it is almost here?

I think that's a pretty good list to start with.

Just some monthly encouragement!

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