2 Years

2 years ago I could not have imagined I would be where I am today

with you.

I never would have imagined OkCupid! would be the way I would meet my future husband, but it worked out in our favor. You've taught me to love Sushi, fast cars, tool's, and the color Red.

I've learned more about Mine-craft than I could ever care to know and you've started to speak in psychological lingo.

You've treated me to one too many Starbucks's dates, plenty of Mexican dinners, and ice-cream sundae runs when I am feeling blue.

 You were patient as I cried every few weeks about whether you and I were going to have a future together and created the most beautiful proposal that I never could have imagined. 

You've loved me through all the grad school tears, the tears because I miss my family and friends, and tears for silly things. And the way you comfort and make me feel safe and secure in your arms is something I will never tire of.

 You continually remind me that it is all going to be okay and never judge me when I come home with a shopping bag. 

I love you more than words can say and am so happy to have spent 730 days of my life with you so far.

Happy Anniversary to my ride or die!

I love you!

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Dear my 16 year old self

Last week I fly back to Indiana to help out with some family situations.

While I was there I finished packing up the rest of my belongings and shipped them back to Seattle. Along the way I found some pretty awesome gems from the past.

This one in particular had everyone laughing.

Dear Rachel,

Today is our 16th Birthday. Also the day you really got your heart broken.

-side comment: I have no idea who broke my heart-

So now I'm writing a note to tell you all I've learned in these last 16 years,

1. Find your true friends-at the current moment they are Shannon, Lizzie, Tessa, Libby and Sarah.

-Only two of the people on this list made the cut-

2. Never let a boy be your life-do you really think he's the one?

-Because at 16 you should only date the boy you're going to marry-

3. God is always first-He's the one who always picks you up after you fall.

4. Mom and Dad are usually right-they have been so far.

-Oh the guts it took to admit this at age 16; I still do not like to admit they are right-

5. Never give up-Promise me you'll always remember you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

6. Believe in yourself-you can do the impossible.

7. Give it your all-you can do amazing things.

8. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8- is your all time verse; it will get you through a lot.

9. You are the champion-you win in everything you do.

Oh thank you to the boy who broke my heart for you lead me to write very inspirational things and very humorous as well.

Rachel, we win in everything we do. Keep being the champion I know you are!

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To See it OR Not to See It: 50 Shades of Grey

I have been back and forth whether to write about this movie or not.

I know there are a lot of opinions running around out there and I did not want to add one more, but I feel obligated to. Let me preference by saying I have never read the book. I do not know all the details or the whole story, but I do know about S&M and the basis of this movie.

I get it: this is just a way to have entertainment in your life; it's just a movie and it will not impact you; just because you watch it doesn't mean you support it. 

What I do not get is how many people do not understand what S&M is and why they choose to let this movie educate them about it. 

From the preview, it is clear that this movie portrays S&M as a way to get closer to someone, a way to be intimate, and a way to show someone you really love them.

Unfortunately, I do not believe any of that. 

I am a psychology major and we are taught the dangers of an S&M relationship. 

It is basically a power struggle between a couple. A power struggle of domination, submission, and abuse. Some people my disagree, but I encourage you to educate yourself about this type of relationship.

What I am most concerned about is the younger generation that is being targeted by this movie. I am concerned that they will believe this is the way to be intimate with another. I am concerned it will create ideas in their mind that will lead them to harm. 

I do not have all the words to express why I am not in support of this movie, but I did find an article that helps portray my understanding of this relationship presented in this movie.

Click here to read why Dr. Meeker believes this movie is not grey, but purely black.

The only reason I would ever watch this movie is to educate myself on what my future clients may have allowed to integrate into their lives. Either way I understand the decision to see it is an individual choice, but I hope if you do choose to see it that you do your research. If it is for entertainment, just remember the other times you've seen a movie and allowed it to affect your emotions or daily life. Art inspires and evokes things with us. 50 Shades of Grey is art in book and movie form. Be aware of what is inspired or evoked within you.

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So did I tell you I have a boyfriend?

In case you did not know, I did some dating when I moved to Washington.

And by did some, I mean quite a few.

My first few weeks were plan-less and meeting new people sounded like fun so I took a risk and tried OkCupid! after a friend had suggested it.

To save my boo's identity a little bit, I will call him B*. 

B* and I started off texting and he asked me to hangout twice before I finally said yes the third time. We met at Red Robbin because I was craving myself some sweet potato fries. 

When he walked in, I was first shocked at how tall he was. I'm 5'2 and B* is at least 6'2. A giant compared to me. He also looked like a southern boy which you do not see many of them out here so I was instantly loving him. Did I mention he has red hair? Yeah, I was in heaven.

So dinner started and the boy sure knows how to talk. It was the most naturally flowing conversation and I loved it. It wasn't me having to do all the "get to know you" work. He actually wanted to get to know me. From dinner we went to Alki beach to grab some ice cream. I was freaking out about his awesome ride and I am sure he was just trying to get me to look up so he could see my face.

He drove me home like any gentleman would do and then met my roommate which proceeded to even more talking. Our second date did not go so well, but we won't go there. Thanks to his lovely mother who talked some sense into him, he gave me another chance and we've been pretty inseparable since. 

And here's why:

1.) The boy loves the laugh I make that I think would scare any man away. He keeps trying to get me to laugh like that again because he thinks its cute.

2.) He will race me to doors so that he can open them for me because he knows I sometimes am too independent to let him do it.

3.) He won't let me quit school even though some days I highly consider it.

4.) The boy talks! I mean he is really good at this and not in a bad way. He actually enters into deep conversations with me because he wants too. No teeth-pulling here.

5.) He acts like a southern boy all the time. I love it!

6.) Did I mention he has red hair? I am such a sucker for the red-heads. 

7.) I have cowgirl boots and he has a cowboy hat. Could we be any more perfect?

8.) The boy is honest to a T. Even if I don't ask, he is going to tell me. Yes, sometimes it shocks me but then I laugh and remind myself how nice it is to have someone so straight-forward like me.

I could go on and on, but I think that's enough sap for today.

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Life Learnings

Let's just say this is not an easy post for me to write because it includes something that I am sad to admit. I have always thought I was that great girl to date--you know the one who is laid back, doesn't care if you take your time, and makes dating easy. Well, apparently not!

I have realized recently that I am bad at allowing people(ahem-guys) to pursue me. I guess I'm what you could call an alpha female. And not that there is anything wrong with being a strong female, but I have slowly come to realize that as a female I need to allow the male population to pursue me.

Why should I do that?

Because I am tired of being the one that makes a relationship happen. I shouldn't have to "make" it happen, I should allow it to happen. Yes, I need to do my part--show my interest, flirt, express how I feel. I don't have to be the one who starts the DTR talk or ask the guy out.

I am not sure how to describe it, but there is something feminine about allowing a man to express his interest with you naturally. Does anyone know what I am talking about or understand?

Can anybody relate? 

I guess I am going through this phase in life where I feel like I have to have it all. Is this a natural feeling for college graduates? 

I keep reminding myself to just breathe and let life come. 

I've finally realized to stop and live life. I fought myself from taking a work shift because I knew I could make good money, but I needed a break and so I told myself no. 

I am sorry this turned into just life and the stuff I am dealing with. Can anyone just assure me that I am okay and I'm where every typical 22 year old is at in life?

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First Kiss

After a very stressful week, I spent a Saturday afternoon reading blog posts just to relax and make me laugh. I found a post about first kisses and I love it. It of course took me back to mine and you've guessed right. I am going to share it with you!

Let's just say I've always been a little boy-crazy. Since I can remember, there was always a boy I thought was cute or was pining after. With that said, I made it to age 18 until I had my first boyfriend and first kiss. Pretty impressive if I say so. We met on facebook and slowly realize we had both gone to the same high school at one point and he knew my best friend. So we eventually met and then eventually started dating. 

One morning he came to the prayer group that I led on Thursday mornings and hung out with the group. It was a little awkward because everyone knew he was my boyfriend and it was just a weird place for them to meet him. Now prayer group was at 6:00 a.m. and if you know me, mornings are not my thing...at all! I am still unsure how I led a prayer group each week that early in the morning, but I did it for four years. 

Anyways, its time for us to all head to school and I drove some of the students to school in the morning. So out we go to the parking lot and I turn to say goodbye to my boyfriend. Next thing I know, I am saying see ya later and his lips are on mine. He kisses me and that I turn quickly and finish my sentence. 1.) Because I couldn't believe what had just happened. 2.) Because I felt a little weird that he had kissed me in front of my prayer group. 

I of course started talking more than was necessary and he looked at me, smiled, and said "calm down, I just kissed you, it's okay." And then I believe I blushed and told him I'd text him later. 

Not the most romantic first kiss, but it at least was not completely horrible. Plus, he turned out to be a pretty good kisser!

What's your first kiss story? Was it from the movies? Was it completely awkward or terrible? 

Tell me! I'd love to know!

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Conviction

With my move out from Anderson and preparing for a move to Seattle, I have been going through things deciding what I can live without or cannot live without. In the process, I ran across pictures from friends of all walks of life and the memories began to fill my mind. There are countless stories of adventure and fun, but I was also reminded of the pain and hurt from these relationships. Over the years, we have changed-some of us still have friendships today and others of us not so much or at all. 

Through the process I was able to see my role in these fall-outs and it saddened me that I got caught up in the drama or that I instilled pain/hurt into these individuals who were so close to me. While I fully believe we have individuals in our lives for all different kinds of seasons, it does not dull the fact that they were once important to me and that it was a relationship I cherished. 

I was convicted of the pain or hurt I was still carrying. They say grudges age you immensely and I do not want wrinkles on my face to show those grudges. I want laugh marks and smile lines. My point is to say that whether the relationship is gone or still going, remember the good times. The bad times or tough times can shape you, but they are not what matter in the end. In the end, its important to remember what they added to your life, what they taught you, what they meant to you and what they mean to their creator.

Cherish life, cherish those around you, and cherish the life you've been given. 

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New Relationship Thought

I am now beginning to see a pattern in my posts. Most of them have to deal with my future or relationships. So with that, I am sorry if you are tired of hearing the same issues present in my life, but I can't help that these are the two things I have been worried about the most lately.

I took a class this semester called Thought Life and Spiritual Growth and we had the author of one of our books come in on Monday and speak to our class. He helped us work through some of our thoughts and emotions and one of those thoughts was the "No ring by spring" ordeal. If you have never heard of this phrase let me explain: Our campus has this mantra of "Ring by Spring" meaning girls have the goal of receiving an engagement ring by the spring of their Senior year. I know you're are probably thinking "But Rachel, you do not have a ring or a boyfriend for that matter so how will you achieve ring by spring?" I won't! And I am soooo okay with that. 

Okay, back to what I was saying. We talked about the purpose of ring by spring which is to receive a piece of jewelery so we know that we are loved. This is where the revelation began. You do not enter a relationship just so you can receive and if you do, maybe you should reconsider your dating habits.

So here is the revelation:

You cannot need something from someone to love them.

Enter into a relationship because of what you can give them, not what they can give you.

Here is my ordeal:

I have been spending the majority of my college career believing I should just date for fun and see what could come of it. Who cares if we just met or if we might be completely wrong for each other? It's just for fun!

Now, I am starting to see how wrong I have been. Yes, I believe dating is okay and I actually encourage you to do it. You find out a lot about yourself when you do, but change the way you think about it. I have gone on dates thinking "what can you provide for me in a relationship?" Saying it out loud just sounds ridiculous, but the majority of people around me do this. 

"I want someone to make out so I am going to date this guy because he can give me that."

"I need someone to cuddle with so I'll hang out with you."

What if I began to pursue relationships not because of what they can do for me, but because of what I can do for them?

Not only has this dramatically changed my dating/relationship idea, but I have also been thinking along these lines as I plan for my future career. I want to be reminded that I am not pursuing the goals I have to benefit from them; I am pursuing them because I want to serve and present my gifts to someone else and say "what can I do for you?" 

I would love to hear your thoughts about this idea of entering a relationship because of what you can give them and not what they can give you. Disagree or agree or be neutral; I'll still love you through it! 

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Dating: Against or For?

Guess what this chick went on last week?

That's right, a date.

 

 Which brings me to the question of whether you believe in dating or not? I am still not sure how I feel about dating. It has its pro's and con's.

 

Pro's

Meet new people

Helps you figure out your type

Can be fun to date different people

Usually for a girl, a fun night with little to no cost

Adventure

A change of pace

 

Con's

They can be disastrous

Get lead on

Doesn't work out

Boring=no fun at all

Guy decides he does not like you so he plays the "how about we split it" card

 

 

I am sure both lists can be longer, but that's just my initial thought right now.

Oh by the way, the date was fun, but didn't work out.

I still have no idea how I feel about it. I feel like I am a girl who would rather just be friends and then somehow stumble into a relationship. That can happen right?

 

You tell me:

Are you for dating or not?

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It's meant to be

I have been thinking about the phrase "If it's meant to be, it will find a way." We all use it and throw it at each other when we are in a tough time, a hopeless time, or a low time. It's a phrase we can hold on to and let it support us as we find our way out of the bottom. It's a phrase that I am finding a way to believe. Certain events have occurred in my life and I am presented with thoughts of "Why?" Why me? Why us? Why then? Why now?

Event 1: T*
I thought I would marry him, I really did. And the break up was never supposed to be so hard or difficult to get over, but nevertheless it happened and it was for the best. He is married to I am sure a wonderful woman and I will be married to a wonderful man someday. They were meant to be and it found its way.

Event 2: Dad's job loss
This event is still upsetting to the day. It has almost been a year since it all occurred and it is carried with us every day, but nevertheless it happened and I don't know if it was for the best just yet. I am still in the phase where it seems as if it were the worst. I still ask the why question and struggle with it all the time. And this is where the phrase comes in. "If it's meant to be, it will find a way." Dad's future job will find a way. The will for our family will find its way.

Event 3: Washington
My love for Washington is strong. I dream of the day to be reunited with that state and all it has planned for me. The adventures I made are precious and I cherish them so much. Will I find my way back? Is this where my future is? "If it's meant to be, it will find a way."

The why will always present itself, but the way presents a better presentation than all the questioning with why. Pin It

A rainy day and music that speaks to the heart

Music has always been powerful to me and still is. So with that here I go:

I miss everything about you:

your eyes, your smile, the way you made me laugh, the way you made feel, the way you opened me up to love, the way you never pressured me, the way you always let me be me

Can't believe that I still want you

After all the things we've been through:

the distance, the conflict, life

I miss everything about you

I don't know what I've done

Or if I like what I've begun

But something told me to run

And honey, you know me, it's all or none

Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

Cause she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

I'm a new soul, I came to this strange world

Hoping I could learn a but about how to give and take

But since I came here, felt the joy and fear

Finding myself making every possible mistakes



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Crush to Crushed

Oh the life of a girl. It's amazing how we can create a whole story in our heads and then reality hits us.

Example:

Girl thinks boy is cute and boy seems interested, but in a nonchalant way. So girl assumes he is interested and lets her mind wander. What if he asked me to hang out today? What if he asking everyone else about me? How long has he liked me? etc, etc... Girl anticipates facebook request to be accepted because maybe if he accepts that means he likes her and then maybe he he'll get up the nerve to ask her out which could then lead to an engagement and then a wedding (You know how the story goes). Facebook request is accepted. Girl clicks on page to see more information. Dun. Dun. Dun! Boy has a girlfriend.

Not that I'm referring to any such story in my life ;)

But boys be careful. Girls can take one hint of affection and run with it. Remember to guard their hearts along with yours! Pin It

Two different people; one person

This week has been extremely crazy emotionally and physically. Final exams and friendship have been the two F's in my life. These two F's have the same effect as they would if they were F's on papers. They made me feel horrible and not good enough.

Finals I am used to. It was my fourth semester of finals and I didn't do horrible, but I also didn't do the best as I usually do. Friendships on the other hand have never been so difficult for me. I'm cautious as to what to say because I know I have friends who read this and I don't want them to take it the wrong way, but this is also my heart and life which is what this blog is all about. So I will slowly tread upon this road with caution...

I'm not sure if there is much road to travel on with in this friendship. I think we have come to the end. There is no going forward or backwards which is sad to say. I feel like I have devoted a lot of myself to this friendship, but that it was only here for a season which has come and past. So where do I or we go from this? That's the part I am not quite sure about. Isaiah 30:21 says "you will hear a voice saying this is the way, walk in it." I don't hear the voice. I just hear the awkward silence. The killing silence. Do we say goodbye; can you ever say goodbye?

My words on this subject keep fading. It never seems to be easy to just let something go. To just say goodbye and be done with it. And your self never makes it easy. It constantly battles with itself and asks questions that confuse you even more than you were before.

All I can say is that I am thankful for a summer to spend with God; serving him, re-devoting myself to him, and listening to his understanding. Pin It