I am Meredith Grey

This week I learned that I am Meredith Grey.

Yes I have been watching the entire series and I am almost to the end of all that Netflix offers with this series and I may be freaking out a little, but really I am in Meredith Grey mode.

This statement has never been so true.

I started this school term hoping to end with a better idea of the direction I am going with all the hard work I have been doing. I thought I would have a game plan for the next two years and I am just more confused than I ever was. 

I am not happy about this fact and I am quite upset that I still do not know which type of counseling I want to pursue for the rest of my life.

I have the trauma side of counseling saying "Pick me, choose me, love me."

Then there's the heart side of counseling or what I like to call the cardiovascular side saying "Pick me, choose me, love me."

Neuro counseling is not far behind it screaming "Pick me, choose me, love me."

And then there's general counseling and I am yelling "Pick me, choose me, love me."

Choosing which area to pursue is important to me, but it's just not easy.

I care about the future I am walking into, I care about the people I will impact, and I care about the time I devote to certain areas of psychology. I simply want to choose the right path for me and the path that will allow me to do the work I was created to do in this world. 

But the fact is that making this choice is not easy. There is no simply right or wrong path to choose; it's much more complicated than that.

And if you're reading this right now wondering what in the world I am talking about, do not worry. I don't understand me either.

I mostly feel like Meredith grey in her decision to pursue general surgery. General psychology means I can work with the trauma side, the heart side, the brain side, and all the other sides there are to psychology. General psychology is my niche. My passions are widespread and it is not right for me to pick one. I just cannot do that! 

And really Meredith Grey and I are the same because we both shave our legs...sometimes.

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What's Love got to do with it?

Since I have a break from school for a few weeks, I have been hitting up my local library and checking out way too many books. 

This past week it occurred to me I had never checked out the Psychology section at the library which is strange since I am a psychology student. 

I found some amazing books and I just finished this one:

Love Illuminated: Exploring Life's Most Mystifying Subject (with the help of 50,000 strangers)

By Daniel Jones.

Jones is the editor of the New York Times column Modern Love.

I read this book in two days!

That is how much I loved it!

The topics he covers is Destiny, Trust, Connection, Practicality, and Wisdom. 

While I loved the whole book, there were a few quotes that had me turning some thoughts in my head.

"We need to believe that most people we encounter in our daily lives aren't out to harm us and may even try to save us if necessary."

-This thought really struck me as a woman when it comes to dating. I like this quote, but it does not seem very realistic for the dating world at least for me as a woman. I was taught to always tell someone where you are going, to have 911 as a speed dial, carry around pepper spray, etc. when going on dates because you can never be too careful. Am I the only one who was told this? Maybe it is just me but it's hard for me to imagine that most people we encounter are not out to hurt us. We encounter so many strangers and everyone has secrets. I guess I prefer to be a little bit more safe out there.

"When people act like they love you and maybe even say they love you, how can you know if they really love you?"

-I think actions speak the loudest, but I think words are necessary as well. When the two are expressing love and you gut says this is truth then I think that is how you know its really love. I truly believe we are the best indicators of truth, but we learn how to second guess ourselves and ignore the red flags. Learn to trust yourself and then you can learn to trust if the love is real.

"How is online dating changing us?"

-Well, for one it changed the game of connecting and communicating. Some think its bad, but I am a positive experience of online dating. Brad and I met through OkCupid! and now we are engaged. I can only speak for myself on how online dating changed me. Online dating allowed me to take a risk and try something new. I went on a lot of bad dates, and a few good ones, and one really amazing one. I learned a lot about myself in the process as well along with things I did not want in a guy I dated. It also taught me how much I wanted a guy who could still communicated with me without a screen hiding him. Some think online dating is changing us for the worst, but I definitely disagree.

"Arranged marriage: the goal is to figure out how to be married not whether to marry."

-This was my most favorite thing to ponder about. We spend time trying to figure out whether to marry someone and if we decide yes, then we marry them. But I think most of the western culture continues to ask this same question as they are married which is why divorce is so prevalent now. To me the answer is to move from asking the question of whether we should still be married to this person to the question of how do we be married? I think if we could move into this arranged marriage concept that we could save a lot more marriages. We already answered the question if we should get married, now let's learn how to be married and what works and what doesn't for our marriage.

"Do we have to kill love to understand it?

-Part of me screams yes and the other part quietly screams no. My interpretation of this is that sometimes we have to kill a relationship to learn what love is and learn a new way of understanding it. But I also believe that you will find a relationship that will continue to teach you love and teach you understanding of love without killing it. I think it is very important for people to learn what and who they can love and I think you have to date a few people sometimes to find that. Some people are lucky and only date one person, but most people need the experience to date more than one person to teach themselves what they truly want out of a relationship. Whatever path is chosen, is right for each individual. 

And to end I just want to encourage you all on this quote that Jones ended with:

"Marvel at what love does best: it helps us to be good."

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Heart Won Over

My fiance really knows how to win my heart.

He is just so good at knowing what I need, want, and love.

1. Coffee

One day he let me sleep in and when I woke up he was holding coffee from Starbucks in his hand. This is when I knew he was a keeper. I will teach my kids as soon as they are old enough to make coffee so that they can bring it to me in bed every single day.

2. Bingo Lottery Tickets

I love these little guys. I could care less about any other lottery ticket, but bring a bingo one home and I will be super duper happy.

3. My Songs

The man is good. He turns that radio up and he lets me sing to my hearts content.

4. My Besties

He understands this statement and he loves my friends.

I mean he loves them so much he invited them to the proposal.

Oh he also takes my phone from me to text them.

And basically this is something anybody could do to win my heart over.

But it's a little too late. I'm off the market.

But I accept Starbucks from anybody.

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Nanny Life Update

It has been a while since I've shared with you my Mary Poppins Adventure.

So what better way to share than with a list!

1. I now understand how parents can be so calm one minute and explode the next.

It is so ridiculously hard to keep your cool with kids. 

They know how to get you to tick and they do not have the mindset that there are worse things in life than not getting to wear your favorite shoes to school that day. 

I think these words come out of my mouth quite often!

2. I never imagined I would feel like I am the extremely older sister almost all the time.

In my head, I am in adult mode, but I also have been in older sister mode for a while.

I never knew I would grow to love these kids like family and feel like I am their older sister most of the time.

3. I forgot how much kids like to fight with you about silly things.

Both of my families have an issue with homework, but who doesn't at their age.

Even I have an issue with homework, but I'm grown and know I have to do it.

The phrase "it's like pulling teeth" has never been more true.

The homework struggle is real and the fight happens every day!

I am learning so much in this new job pursuit. Yes, it is not what I want to do forever, but it sure is preparing me for motherhood even thought my choice for that decision in life is a Hard No!

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