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Wednesday, June 20, 2018

To jump or Not.

Wow, it's been a minute since being here. 
There have been many times I've been overcome with the desire to write and then life takes over and I forget the brilliant idea I had.
Coming back to this space is both interesting, weird, and satisfying.

I am in some ways still the person who began this blog and in so many other ways nothing like the girl who started this years ago. 
I've gotten married, I've started new jobs, I've grown my clinical mind and I've changed.

Change has always been hard for me. 
It's been exciting and inspiring and terrifying and anxiety provoking.
I've recently began a new change of beginning a job with a group therapy practice.
One day a week while also balancing the 3 other jobs I have.

1 day a week at a restaurant, 4 days at a mental health agency, 1 day at a group practice and 1 day at my private practice.
Yeah, a lot has changed in a year. 

Lately with all this change I have had the thought of jumping full time into the group practice and dropping the other 3 jobs. 
I'm constantly switching back and forth from jumping to not jumping.
I woke up ready to jump this morning and now as I type this I'm not ready to jump. 
Fluctuating through these states have shown me how much fear I have and how much I want to feel smart with my decisions. 

I have prayed lots, I have thought lots, and I have created numerous plans for the next few months.
I so badly want to be the girl who loves risk, adventure, and impromptu decision making.
And I want to be smart, frugal, and safe.

Balancing these differing thoughts, ideas and personality makes for a crazy making Rachel at times. 
But the reality is I can be both risky and smart. 
I can want both these parts and welcome each of them.
Maybe it doesn't mean I'll take the jump and quit 3 jobs for 1 and maybe it means I will.
But I welcome the balancing act of my desires, hopes and dreams.
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