Be Still

Being still is not a phrase I enjoy. I do not like to be still. Yes, I like to sit or lay down, but I am not still. I am constantly fidgeting, rolling, or letting my mind ramble through everything. "What if I do this, what if I don't. Why does she react like that, why did I react like that? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Can I just sleep?" To say my life is sane right now, well, that's a lie. My life is filled with exams, roommate conflicts, big events, and so much more.

This morning I went into the lab on campus to do more homework/studying and saw a guy outside standing. As I watched him, I wondered who he was talking to so I peeked out the window to see who he was talking to and there was no one. "How weird!" I thought. This kid is just standing talking to no one, but then I realized he was not talking but singing and he was singing to God. I still thought that was strange that he is singing to God by himself in the middle of campus and then decided I should stop being creepy and watching him.

Well I am a people watcher and I just could not stop looking. He continued to keep singing, but then sat down and opened his bible. Immediately the words, "Be Still" popped into my head. I've lost the idea of that concept. You do not have to be completely still, but just Be where you are. On this beautiful day, he decided to spend a beautiful morning with the lord. As I watch him, I see the beauty surrounding him. A rising sun, yellow trees, leaves swirling with the wind and I feel peace.

Life is crazy and it's filled with unexpected events everyday, but I am reminded of the beauty in life that God has given us. Thank you God for this day and especially for the days to follow! Pin It

Growing Up

Life lately has been awakening, eye-opening, and real. Sometimes I wonder if I life in an alternate universe (maybe this is because I day dream a lot). I have been realizing that I am slowly creeping into the adult world. I can see the differences in pictures of how I am aging and I can see it most in the way I handle situations. I am growing out of the over-dramatically emotional stages and entering into the calm responses and patience. Is this good or bad? Part of me misses the over-dramatic stage and maybe because that is where I felt I expressed myself the most. The other part of me is happy that I am not responding with emotion filled words, but now with truth filled words.

I have talked about my past year multiple times, but it is something I will continue to talk about for the rest of my life. This year of my life has engraved me and will represent me. It was a year of learning to stand in the rain, to know true hate and real forgiveness, to make mistakes and pave the way, and to discover who I am. Relationships have been lost, pain has been felt, regret was common, and love was overflowing. I always ask myself, "If you could do it over, would you?" I have always hated that question, but I think I am starting to understand why people say yes. Do I want to say yes to all the hurt, pain, and loss? No. Definitely no. Do I want to say yes to all the discovery, love, growth, and strength? Yes. 100% yes!

This year has been more valuable to me than any of the years I have been alive. I fell a lot, but God put people in my life to always pick me up to carry on. God took me on an adventure to discover a place I love, a place I hope to go and make my own name. He has given me friends that are remarkable beyond belief; friends that I can truly say will be in my life forever. My faith crumbled, but God held on to me through all the doubt, hurt, and hate and continues to hold on to me as I still doubt and wonder what it is all about.

I could go on for hours talking about all the God has done for me, but I personally do not have time as a college student (I should be studying for a test right now, whoops!). I am thankful, grateful, and amazed at the greatness of God and how his plans work for our lives. I still struggle with why he chose me to go through some of these things and I will probably never understand completely, but I do know that there is a plan and that there is the light at the end of the tunnel.

There are better things ahead than anything we left behind.

-C.S. Lewis

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Is it October yet?

Wow! This month has been super crazy and busy for me. Four tests face me this week and two from last week that I didn't do very well on. Last week was the busiest week of all for me. I rushed or surged as we call it at AU for a group of Lamifidel (lami) and am not an official member! I also ran for senator which wasn't much of a race anyways since I was the only person who ran for South campus. Lami I love; Senators may take a little bit more time to love because at the moment I do not love it.

Let me talk about my week of rushing! It was long and tiring filled with early morning and late nights, but totally worth it. I have always felt very strongly about not wanting to rush a social club on campus, but I had a lot of free time available this year and decided why not try it out (I can always quit if I don't like it). God could not have prepared me enough for the amazing week I had. I have met some lovely ladies and am excited to call them my lami sisters and am even more excited to get to know them better these next two years. Each girl gets a big sister and I love mine! She wants to go to Mars Hill in Seattle as I do too so I am excited as to see where that may lead to. The week was filled with deep talks and bonding, but my most favorite was burning our burden boards night. Each day we swapped our board with a sister and carried around their burden for the day and as our last late night of rush we burned them over a fire. My board said "lack of friendliness and dislike of people" and there are a lot of reasons for having those burdens and I am sure I have written about them multiple times in my blog.

Friendships have been disappointing for the last year and relationships have failed so my trust for people has gone out the window. I trust the people who are currently in my life, but when it comes to new people I am just waiting for them to disappoint me. I got to burn this burden on Saturday night and am in the process of letting it go completely which is happening a lot faster than I expected. Social clubs are a fantastic way to get involved on AU's campus and to meet new people. Sure, it may not be for everyone, but don't bash it until you try it.

Well I am off to more studying: three more tests this week. Wish me luck! Pin It

Life after Camp

It has been a crazy couple of weeks since I have left camp and been back to life in Indiana. My homecoming was a smooth transition for the most part. The hardest part was the fact that I lived in three different places in one week. Washington to home to school. It was intense which lead to me being overwhelmed and crying a little bit. However, I am getting back into my school routine of studying too much and laughing all the time. I miss Washington and everything about it. Two more years of school and then I will start making my move there. Yes, I should not be so sure about that statement, but I believe God opened a door to Washington for a reason and I am fully willing to move their in a heartbeat.

When I left for camp this summer, I was depressed and life was just awkward. I had gone through many emotional events and I just wanted to get away. Washington gave me my escape and even though it wasn't a summer of vacationing, it was a summer of discovery. I discovered myself and learned how to forgive and move on. Coming home from Washington, I found myself being content with life and having new goals for my life.

Goals

1.) Stop being afraid to try new things. Go for it and embrace the opportunity to just apply.

2.) Treat yourself. Remember to put yourself first occasionally.

3.) Cherish every moment.

4.) Find God again; don't force it, but re-discover him.

Not a ton of goals, but I think a good start to continue living my content life.

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Week 10: Bellingham, Washington

It's official! My last week in Washington is over and I am sitting at the airport trying not to cry. I have been blessed this whole summer with amazing friends, opportunities, and a loving God. I could not ask for anything more and do not regret any thing.

We spent this week with a band camp so basically we put the campers to bed and woke them up so it was a really easy week. While the kids were in band practice, we spent the day painting tons and building a new campsite for the camp. I only worked on the campsite for 2 hours because I could not handle nature this week (maybe I am still some what of a girly girl still). Instead of building, I painted tons; I even still have paint stuck in my hair that I cannot get rid of. At night, we played tons of loaded questions and spent time preparing each other for our goodbyes. Kool-aid and I also spent the week pranking each other. He froze my toothbrush, toothpaste, and toothbrush holder in water and I just died laughing. I miss all my friends here so much already and I haven't even made it on the plane yet. Yesterday, I pretty much spent the whole day crying. Saying goodbye to everyone was much more tough then I thought. Izza was the hardest seeing as we have become best friends in such a little amount of time. That girl is going to be in my wedding.

As I left this morning with my friends waving me off so early in the morning, I realized that Washington is my home. It is a home I will return to as much as possible and hopefully will call it my official home in the future. I will miss the beautiful mountains, people, and life that is created here. I cannot wait to return and be reunited with everyone again.

See you soon Washington!
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Week 9: Bellingham, Washington

This was our last regular week of camp. I had 5th and 6th grade girls and it was a pretty easy week. I had two CIT's to help me which I was so grateful for and a group of girls who never complained. I got engaged to Dundee on camp out night (no worries; it's a fake engagement) and we heard a pack of coyotes howling outside of our camp site. This week was a little rough because I'm homesick. I know I'm coming home in a week and I just long to be in my home state with family and friends. I am sad to leave here, but ready to be reconnect with my family and share all the stories I have. Once again this was a week of memories from two engagements, pranks, and tons of laughter.

I am sad to say that my time is ending here soon. This has been a summer of unbelievable experiences and a changed heart. I came to camp this summer after having a rough semester at school with my dad losing his job and tough relationships. I was emotionally tired and needed an escape and Camp Lutherwood did just that for me. It gave me a beautiful scenic landscape that I could spend hours looking at, friends that will last for a lifetime, and memories that could never be capture anywhere else. Although I miss home so much, I will miss camp just as much when I return. This has become a new home for me and a place I plan to visit as much as possible in my life. I keep getting asked whether I will return again next summer and I am not sure about that answer. There are three places I call home and each of them tug at my heart strings: Anderson, my family home, and Washington. Being at any of them creates a longing to be at another home and that is hard to deal with. I love camp and it is in God's hands as to whether or not I will return again next summer (but I will say its a likely possibility). All I can do is praise God for the path he has set out for my life. I am grateful for this experience and all that has come with it.

Indiana friends I will be home in 7 days. See you soon!
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Week 8: Bellingham, Washington

I spent this week as a CIT (counselor in training) counselor which means I hung out with high school students all week. It was a blast filled with sassiness, laughter, and ridiculousness. Kahuna shaved all his hair off, I learned how to skip a rock for the first time, and last friday I blobbed for the first time as well. I wish I could write more, but I've run out of time this weekend.

It was a blast all week so that's all you need to know! Pin It