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Monday, March 26, 2012

The arms of the ocean

There is a part of my life that I am completely ashamed of. It is a weight that holds me down and brings me to nights of tears or nights of cheap pleasure. Yet, I find myself in the same spot every so often completely tired of my selfish acts. This is one of those times.
I am not proud, but ashamed.
I am hurting, not happy.
I am sad and mad.
I am lost and seeking.
My worth has been misplaced and my love for myself thrown away.
While I know this path for me is wrong, I creep back onto it and find myself in a worse place than before. I've gone months at a time standing strong, but my sense of comfort makes me think I can handle it again and I fall quickly into the lies all over again. Darkness overwhelms and my true self disappears.
Today is the day I say stop.
Today is the day I give it all to God.
Again.
Today is the day I remember my worth comes from Him and not this world.
Today is the day I start to love and respect myself again.
Today is the day I asked God to "Never Let Me Go" and to "Deliver Me."

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Sunday, March 25, 2012

3 Legitimate Fears

1.) I am absolutely terrified of losing any part of my family. I have lost grandparents before, but I was too young to understand the value of life then. Since I tend to be pessimistic sometimes, I find myself occasionally thinking about getting a call with the horrible news on the other end. I instantly get teary-eyed just thinking about. I love my family and I am not sure how life could go on without any of them. My parents gave me life and keep accountable in life. My siblings give me joy and laughter and we always have the best time together. My grandmother is one of my best friends and we have way too much fun together. Family is life, love, joy, and a gift that I never want to lose.

2.) I always think of the worst things to happen so when I am buy myself I always anticipate I am going to die. Maybe it is because of all the scary movies I have watched, but I typically look under my car and in the back of my car getting in. I turn on all the lights in the house when I am buy myself so that no one can jump out at me in darkness. When walking by myself outside in the dark, I will place keys in between each of my fingers so that I can jab someone if they try to attack me. Overall, I am fearful of being kidnapped, hurt, or killed.

3.) Snakes. I hate snakes and I fear them so much. If I walk in tall grass, I instantly think of snakes and will run as fast as I can to get out of it. If there is a whole in the ground, I believe there is a snake in it. Sometimes I'm afraid a snake will crawl out of the toilet from the sewer (rational? not so much). I even sometimes think a snake crawled into my bed at night. We played a lot of pranks at camp this summer and for some reason I thought my friends put a snake in my suitcase before I left so I unpacked everything looking for a snake. They actually just stole my toothbrush and toothpaste and froze it in a cup. Yeah, sometimes I am a little bit ridiculous.
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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

1.) 20 Random Things about Me

I am going to be doing 30 posts about things that include: me, others, life, hearts, and passions. These posts have been inspired by


Today is 20 random things about me!

1.) I love Chik-fil-a. It is my favorite fast food place and it is the one place I would want to be taken out to on a first date (and I have been before). The Polynesian and chick-fil-a sauce is the best with ordering a number 5 eight count along with a Dr. Pepper.

2.) I have always had a desire to have 8 kids; 4 of my own and 4 adopted. I think it's because I have always wanted to have a big family and my family is not very big. Will this actually happen? I have no idea!

3.) I love DIY projects. Pinterest is the greatest invention ever because I have been inspired to do so many DIY projects and once I am on summer break I plan to do one once a week.

4.) I do not enjoy physical touch. It's #5 on my love languages. If I am close with you, sure I'll hug you, but I absolutely do not want you to hug me if I am not close with you what so ever. My friends think that is so funny to tell people, but it is the truth. Gifts are my #1 love language in case you wanted to know ;)

5.) I am the middle child and I definitely play the middle child card every chance I get. Sometimes it works and sometimes it utterly fails.

6.) I will sing a song I like over and over again for weeks on end even if I only know the chorus. My roommate wanted to kill me when the song "Whatcha say" by Jason Derulo came out because I sang it nonstop with only two lines repeating.

7.) I have been a hostess at a restaurant for 4 years now and I love it. I almost considered not going to college and doing that for the rest of my life (Thank God I didn't!).

8.) Resulting from hostessing, I love planning parties. I always said I would be an event planner if I did not go to school and still consider making that a part of my life.

9.) I love sandwiches. They are easy to make and they never get old. I especially liked them grilled!

10.) I am a big shopper. I love trying on clothes, buying clothes, picking out clothes for other people...clothes, clothes, clothes! I used to avoid shopping at all costs, but I love it now that I know my style and what looks good on me.

11.) When I get angry, I sometimes have a southern accent. I do not know why or how, but it happens.

12.) Sparkles are my thing. I love buying sparkly or sequin shoes and most things I have are blingy.

13.) I am currently learning how to love running. I am slow, but I always feel great after running for 30 minutes.

14.) Seattle, Washington is the place I want to call home. Previous posts cant tell you all about that!

15.) I am a big day dreamer. Boy can walk into a room and I can dream of our life together. That may sound pathetic or ridiculous, but I just blame it on my active Imagination. Shoot, I know I am not the only person who does it!

16.) I love the sport of soccer. I played for 8 years when I was younger, and still continue to play for fun. It does not bring out my most beautiful side, but it does bring out my most competitive.

17.) I have chosen Ohio State to win the Big 10 for the last four years. That's how big of a fan I am.

18.) Basketball is the one sport I can watch and really get into. I tend to yell even if I am not sure what the call meant.

19.) I love wearing leggings and a comfy sweatshirt. I just love comfort!

20.) I just got my nose pierced which is pretty monumental in my life because I was told not to do it and I went against my parents rules (probably a first for me) and it has been something I have dreamed about a lot. Pin It

Sunday, March 18, 2012

California Fun

Well, I loved California! My two roommates and I had so much fun and were very blessed the whole trip. Here is a summary of each day and all the fun we had!

Wednesday Night: We left school and headed to the airport and flew into LAX at about midnight.

Thursday: We woke up early and rode with Bumpy to the MGM building and took a tour of his work. While we waited for T* sister we hang out on the 32nd floor balcony and did some shopping in the mall next door. I fell in love with H&M and I cannot wait to take a little shopping trip there when I get the chance. After T* sister picked us up we went and had lunch with their great aunt who took us to a fancy yacht club for lunch. There we saw Kurt Russel and tried escargot (not great, but not horrible either)! After lunch, we got our rental car which was paid for by T* great aunt (such a blessing!) and drove to our free movie screening of American Reunion. It was hilarious and I would not mind paying to see it again!We also did a little shopping before the movie and I found my formal dress for $8. Can you say deal? Finally we called it a day and headed back home to Orange county around 11 p.m.


Friday: We drove to T* sisters house and spent the afternoon walking down Hollywood Boulevard looking at all the stars. M* and I got lost while looking at the stars on the street and had to wait for T* and her sister to come find us. We also did some shopping in the morning and I bought some cute stuff! We picked up T* nephew and headed to dinner at Cheesecake factory since I had never eaten there before. Afterwards we stayed in L.A. for the night and had an interesting evening with two dogs wanting to cuddle all night!

Saturday: The majority was spent at Universal studies which was FREE!! We got to ride a bunch of rides and do an awesome studio tour that looked at set used in tons of movies such as: Jaws, War of the Worlds, and the set for Desperate Housewives which was closed set since they were filming (super exciting). Afterwards, we had a FREE dinner at Hard Rock Cafe and it was delicious! Then we went to see the Lorax which is an adorable movie.

Sunday: We went to Santa Monica and Venice Beach. All of us rented bikes and rode from Santa Monica to Venice and back. Then we walked to Venice to look at the cool shops along the beach and grabbed some ice cream. On the way back, M* was interviewed for a documentary which was awesome! We had dinner at a cute Mexican restaurant and then I crashed at 10 that night because I was so exhausted

Monday: Nanie took us to Huntington beach and to lunch at Ruby's Diner which had the best milk shakes. We did some window shopping and then went back home to have a delicious spaghetti dinner. Ended the night getting my nose pierced! I did not pass out and I did not bleed, but I did upset the parents (which I think everything is good now?!).

Tuesday: Our last day in California! We had breakfast by the ocean and checked out some cool yachts. Then we went back to Hollywood Boulevard to do a Hollywood Home Tour. We saw where Michael Jackson died, where Jennifer Gardner and Ben Affleck live, and tons of other people. We also got to see the set up for the premiere of 21 Jump Street (I saw the movie on Friday and it was hilarious! Go see it!). Had dinner at Fudrucker's and saw another FREE movie screening for a movie called Dark Shadows with Johnny Depp in it. It was also a very good movie and in a huge theater!

Wednesday: We said goodbye to Nanie and Bumpy and headed to the airport. I saw Jennifer Hudson in security while we were waiting and we ended up getting a picture with her!


It was an awesome trip overall filled with so many awesome memories with T* and M*.
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Sunday, March 4, 2012

Birthday Act of Kindness cont.

I hit a bit of a delay in the birthday act of kindness. I was really good for a week, but then I realized I was not doing the acts of kindness for the right reasons. I began to see them as a chore and start slacking on the way I accomplished them. So I have instead tried to be more aware of acts of kindness I can do in my everyday life.

However, my main reason of doing the random acts of kindness was to hopefully inspire others to participate too. This dream of mine came true! I happened to place two encouraging notes on two Resident Assistants cars in the parking lot at school and they were inspired to participate in acts of kindness as well. All the Resident assistants in the apartments did random acts of kindness for their buildings and I am just so excited.

The idea of paying it forward is a beautiful idea. I hope everyone can find a way each week to serve or help someone else.

This week I leave on my next adventure to California and I am sure I will have lots to share with you! Pin It