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Monday, February 2, 2015

Part 4 Attachment Styles: Disorganized

This is Samantha and she has one of the most 
difficult attachment styles to work through--disorganized.

Samantha
            Samantha grew up in a divorced home. When she was in her early teens, her father left the family and her mother raised her sister and her. Samantha was never sure why her father left and continues to question why today although she has some idea that it may have been for all the fighting her parents engaged in. During the divorce, Samantha had to deal with her mother being the talk of the town. She had decided to take on the more sexual style attire of her time and shocked the town they lived in.
            Not only was Samantha left to take care of herself as her mother went out on date after date, she also became a support system for her younger sister who continued to have nightmares from their parents fighting when she was younger. Because of the lack of parenting in her life, Samantha primarily relied on herself. She had a strong friend group, but never let them in on much in her life. Her friend Teeny was the only one who knew her parents were divorcing and the rest of her friends did not find out until a few years later.
            Samantha threatened her mother to move in with her father often, but never followed through because she feared him at the same time. Even though Samantha does not like to admit, she knows her parents’ divorce was probably for the best as her mother feared her husband because of his alcoholic outbursts.  She desired to be close to her father, but was also fearful of how his outbursts may affect her as well.
            Today, Samantha prefers to be alone. She has had many failed relationships because of her lack of engagement with the other and her need to hide feelings. While Samantha has a popular audience because of her best-selling books she avoids the public because of the anxiety it creates in her. To her therapist, she describes her happiest days as days where she does not leave the house, does not engage with the outside world, and types away on her new novel.
Clinical Approaches for Samantha
            After spending months attempting to dig into Samantha’s family of origin, her therapist has finally created a plan of action for Samantha. One of the main reasons Samantha committed to therapy was for the anxiety she experiences trying to leave her house each day. Over the years her anxiety has increased and this is the worst it has ever been for her. Samantha discusses how she is unsure how she gets to these places of increased anxiety, but desires to be able to enter into the world again. She is tired of being alone and would like to meet someone to share life with.
            The first step for her therapist is to explore Samantha’s relationship with her father. Her therapist believes Samantha has a disorganized attachment style that she relates to due to her relationship with her father. When Samantha shares stories about her father, she frequently discusses the fear her father invoked in her but also the desire she wanted to have him a part of their family after the divorce. Samantha’s therapist believes this desperate desire to pursue her father but also avoid him describes her disorganized attachment (White & Yellin, 2012, p. 129).
            Because of this upbringing of fear and pursuit, the therapist also believes this contributes to Samantha’s desire to avoid others. The therapist thinks that Samantha has difficulty in communicating with others effectively because of having to rely on herself only in her teen years. If Samantha had parents who pursued a secure attachment style with her, she would be able to more freely allow others to get close to her and create an intimate relationship (Costello, 2013, p. 9). Since neither of her parents provided this for her, she still does not know how to break down the very thick, strong wall she has built to protect herself.
            Samantha’s therapist would like to help Samantha learn how to trust again. Trust is an important part of creating a secure relationship. The therapist would like to educate Samantha on how to find trust in someone else and also how to show someone they can trust you as well (Levy, 2000, p. 7). Looking at Samantha’s relationship with her childhood friend, Teeny, is how the therapist plans to educate Samantha on trust. When Samantha talks about her past, she mentions how Teeny was always there for her and was the only person she felt comfortable to talk to about her parent’s divorce. By exploring their friendship, the therapist hopes this reminds Samantha that trust can exist and still exists.
            Along with exploring the friendship with Teeny, the therapist also wants to help Samantha build a trusting relationship while in session. At the moment, Samantha does not fully trust her therapist and has kept her at a distance for some time. The therapist wants to focus on implementing a collaborative dialogue with Samantha. If the therapist allows Samantha to know her, the fears she has or has had, and the desire she has to be in relationship with her, she hopes that Samantha will learn to trust her and know that she is welcome to be known in this environment (Beebe & Lachmann, 2014, p. 171).
            Starting with these areas, the therapist has hope that Samantha can relinquish the fear she has held for all these years. Once Samantha can explore and put words to the fear she had for father, the therapist believes Samantha can work on building her trust with men. Samantha wants to find someone to spend her life with, but the therapist believes the fear and lack of trust with her father is being projected onto other men in the world. The therapist wants to show Samantha that she can provide safety for herself and also find safety within the other (Levy, 2000, p. 7). In order to achieve this, Samantha has to learn to trust in herself. To trust that she is capable of leaving a relationship that makes her fearful, to trust that she is capable of being loved, and to trust the she is capable of being known by someone other than herself.
Overall Purpose
Displaying the different attachment styles is important for all therapists to engage with. Each client that enters into therapy is bringing a history that has shaped who they are today and continues to impact them daily in life. Understanding their family of origin, their relational patterns, and their view of the world can help the therapist move in a direction that will benefit their client and help create the secure relationship that is longed for. The overall purpose is transformation.
Each client hopefully has a desire to leave their sessions with practical tools or questions to help them become the person they desire to be. Teeny desires to have a successful, loving relationship with her partner, Chrissy wants to be a wonderful mother that allows her daughter to grow into a secure attachment, Samantha hopes to let go of the fear and pain of her past that she walks around with, and Roberta wants to release the anger against her father that she holds on to tightly. No matter what the client brings to the session, the goal is to transform and to find the keys to a successful life for each individual client.

This is the end of the attachment style paper I wrote. I would love to hear your questions, suggestions for sharing other papers, and your thoughts on attachment styles! 
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