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This is Roberta. She has the pre-occupied attachment style.
Roberta
Roberta grew up in a family of all men. At the age of
two, her mother passed away and she was left to be raised by her father.
Because of her mother’s death, Roberta has suffered from separation-anxiety and
has always feared losing the ones she cares most about. In her teenage years,
Roberta discovered her died had lied to her about her mother’s death to help
her understand as a child and she began to be very angry with him. Since this
discovery, Roberta holds the anger towards her father but has begun to wonder
if it was his way of also coping with his wife’s death. Despite the anger, Roberta
mentions she stayed in her home town, Shelby, Indiana, in order to be close and
take care of her father along with her best friend Chrissy. Chrissy is the only
person Roberta has allowed to know the darkest and deepest parts of her life.
She is the only person Roberta can truly trust, but she fears the upcoming
birth of Chrissy’s child will separate them and she is very anxious about this.
Since childhood and teenage years, Roberta has been very
hesitant of pursuing a romantic relationship. Roberta states that she believes
this is because of losing her mother at a young age and never having the
relationship talk. Any man who has pursued Roberta has mentioned she is too
cautious to begin with, but then becomes overwhelming with her constant focus on
providing for them. Roberta does not understand what these men mean and is left
feeling confused at the end of her relationships. She believes putting her
needs to the side and allowing their needs to be met is how a relationship
lasts. Although she believes this, she has come to therapy to learn more about
how to have a relationship that lasts and to possibly work through the
resentment she holds towards her father for the lies he told.
Clinical
Approach for Roberta
Roberta’s therapist wants to begin work by focusing on
the need to take care of her father. The therapist believes Roberta’s
self-esteem is dependent on her attachment to her father and thinks this may be
part of the problem with her relationships (Holmes, 2001, p. 10). Instead of
focusing on her own needs, Roberta is willing to put her needs to the side and
put others before her. While this is a hospitable quality, it is damaging the
relationships in her life because of the disappointment she ends up feeling
from the other when they do not meet her needs (Costello, 2013, p. 81). One way
the therapist would like to work on Roberta naming her needs is conveying the
needs she hears back to Roberta. When the therapist does this, she hopes it
will help Robert to feel heard and seen as she believes her father did not know
how to do this for Roberta (Beebe & Lachmann, 2014, p. 89). The mirroring
role of the therapist will help Roberta understand she does have needs and that
her needs are valuable.
Along with working on the acknowledgement of Roberta’s
needs, the therapist would also like to work on breaking Roberta’s fear of
inconsistency from those whom are important to her. Roberta’s therapist
believes this fear arises out of her separation-anxiety which has been present
since her mother’s death. For Roberta, she believes her mother’s death no
longer impacts her today; it is just a part of her life story. The therapist,
on the other hand, believes her mother’s death continues to impact her today.
Roberta never leaves her house without grabbing a picture of her mother and
takes it with her everywhere she goes. The therapist would like Roberta to talk
about the feelings and memories of her mother’s death and her need to carry her
around every day.
By
doing this, the therapist hopes Roberta will begin to understand the fear and
anxiety that is arising from her best friend’s upcoming birth (Sable, 2012, p.
101). Chrissy has provided the secure base that Roberta desired from her father
and mother and has been a place of safety for her. The goal of Roberta’s
therapist is not to take this away from her, but to help her see that she can
still have a secure base with Chrissy as well as others. With some education
about secure attachments, the therapist believes Roberta can use her
relationship with Chrissy to help build other secure relationships in her life.
Following
this educational teaching about attachment styles, the therapist would like to
move into more exploration of Roberta’s attachment style with her father. Roberta’s
therapist believes her anxious attachment style is because of the relationship
with her father. Roberta has expressed how she has been angry at her father for
the lie he told when she was younger about her mother’s death and this comes up
frequently in the counseling sessions. The therapist believes it will be
healing for Roberta to fully express the anger and hurt she feels for the lie
he told years ago. By allowing her space to communicate, the therapist believes
Roberta will be able to allow her feelings to be felt and hopes to communicate
that she understands her feelings.
Being
a doctor herself, Roberta approaches many sessions believing in the value of
therapy and ready to accept each task asked of her. While this seems genuine to
an extent, the therapist believes this is just a mask for her anxiety in the
sessions (Holmes, 2001, p. 17). The therapist would like to help Roberta truly
desire to invest herself into the counseling relationship (Holmes, 2001, p.
17). She wants Roberta to be able to know that there will be space for rupture
and repair, that she herself believes Roberta can create secure relationships,
and that she is also committed to the therapeutic relationship (Holmes, 2001,
p. 17). If Roberta can come to the decision to pursue therapy because she
believes she truly needs it and has a desire to build secure relationships,
then the therapist and she will be able to work together to improve her
relationships.
Any questions?
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